Broken, beaten down, devastated and facing a life of emptiness. This break-up was surely going to finish me off. Or so I thought.
The blunt end of her sentence resulted in an almost cathartic feeling in every cell of my body. But I didn’t want it to be this way. I want pain, tears but nope…nothing. But I thought she was the one, my all, and now she’s letting me go, I demand to feel the sadness!
My efforts came to no avail. Try as I did, there wasn’t an ounce of pain present in my body. I think it had all been left behind in the relationship that never was. Instead, I experienced a sense of relief, and the day I was ‘let go’ was to be the defining moment of my life.
Deep down inside I knew the end was approaching and only emotion was stopping me from accepting the reality of it all. When the decision was made that day I was emotionless, much to her surprise.
She probably expected me to beg, fall to my knees and promise her the world, but there was an inner voice telling me to stand tall and proud. Something inside of me was overriding the emotional collapse I was expecting. I somehow knew everything was going to turn out fine. It was then I knew there was no point in fighting for something that was not worth the battle scars. In fact, I’d finally been freed from a life that I wasn’t happy living. The hand break had just been released and I was about to embark on an exciting new journey.
And so, as quickly as those 4 years had come and gone, I was on my own two feet, fending for myself again.
Love, or what I thought was love, had stood in my way. I’d given everything to someone who in truth had not been who I wanted. Everything about ‘us’ was what I thought love to be, but I was proven wrong.
Love is acceptance, love is freedom, love is vulnerability, love is from the heart. And we had become lost in translation of that a long time ago.
Love is synchronicity between two people. Two people accepting of each other's choices and actions. This is what I needed to find.
So yes, the day we broke up was the defining moment of my life. It allowed me to assess what my truths were and start to live them. It gave me the freedom to make decisions for me for a change and find the path to help me become powerful in my own right. And I knew that when I lived my truths, love would come my way again.
Love shouldn’t be restrictive. I wanted to grow in love, not whittle away like the autumn leaves.
Her choice was actually my choice. She knew me enough to read the signs and was brave enough to make the call. And for that I thank her.
All experiences are lessons. But hey, don’t waste your time in a toxic relationship. Trust that voice deep down that tells you there is something greater out there. I listen to that voice all the time now and I thank him for leading me to true love. A love that’s blossoming each and every day.
-Mario; 33, London. Creator of the Life Surf.