Monday, March 3, 2014

Love Story No. 13: Making the Same Mistake Twice



“We” were something, or maybe not anything at all. We talked every day, texted every day and saw each other frequently on the weekends. We held hands.

But apparently that doesn't mean anything, at least from his end and from what I assume.
Although he was an attention seeking whore and immature half the time, something about him drew me in. It was definitely his charm.

He had a way to make you feel special. You know, the type that says the right words to slowly make you fall for him? With any small gesture, such as bringing you flowers to your meeting “just because” to make you fall deeper. And his responses were, “Because you deserved them” or “I just wanted to see you smile.”



There is too much history with him. 

The saying goes, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” Some lessons are to be taught more than once until you fully understand it. And that is what happened to me. I had to go through it twice, just twice thankfully, to understand to stay away from these types of boys. Yes, I said it: boy.

I allowed someone from my past back into my life again. And you would think that being older and wiser, you would know better. No. It was as if I was subconsciously digging my own grave. I felt like a fool. A total fool in the end.

Who likes too look stupid, right?

I was misled. Here I was thinking it could have gone somewhere; the potential to be something great, but it was simply wishful-thinking. Those are the worst. They set you up for hope and then, boom. It’s over. With no last words. No explanation. Nothing.

This is a common pattern, and I labeled these boys "cowards." Harsh? Not even close. I think the adjective is suitable.

They don’t utter a word to you at all even after time has passed. Top it off, when they see you unexpectedly; they avoid you purposely because they cannot face you. 

I should have known that he and his ex-girlfriend were still in communication. It was so clear that he was not over her. Photos still up on the walls. But there was a part of me, a naïve part of me, that believed him when he said it was over. 

While I was in the midst to open the can of worms of clarifying where we stood, he got a call. He answered in the middle of our conversation. Never have I thought I would be walking out of someone’s doorstep to find an ex waiting for him. 

Yes, that happened. 

You can imagine how I felt inside. I felt terribly embarrassed. Confused more than anything, looking for answers. 

I was not even upset at the fact that she and he had potential to get back together. I was more upset for the no-call, no-show. Unanswered. 

What did I learn? I learned that history repeats itself, if you allow it. And I did unfortunately. If didn’t work out the first time, what makes you think it’ll work out again in the future? Things end for a reason – to make room for new beginnings.

After this lesson, I swore off dating. 

At least for awhile.

-Chary; 23, Greater LA area. Blogger at Buttons and Chary.

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5 comments :

  1. I've been there....looking forward to getting back together with an old flame only to have it backfire. It stinks, but you have to learn from it. Granted, I never walked out to find their ex waiting for them.

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    1. Exactly, you have to learn. Thanks for sharing, Don!

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  2. Dear Chary,
    im a llittle bit older than you, and a lot less wise i have to say. and yes, i've been where you've been. i've given a second chance and a third and a forth to a guy who cheated on his previous girlfriend with me. it was messier, it was stupider, and i can promise you that at the time, i could've justified it in a million and a half ways from "my gut tells me this time it'll be right" to "what we have is special" to the more scientific "if he wanted me badly enough to jeopardize his relationship, imagine how good it's gonna be when we're dating!"
    But, if you'll allow for me to tell you as someone four years your senior, if there's one thing i regret, it's swearing off dating. don't go out with the next guy and fall for him, but don't swear off dating either. you'll meet a tonne and a half of men, some, neigh most will be made of absolute crap. but the few who will be good to you, even if for a while, will make it all worth it. if there's one thing you should learn, it's not to give it your all until the person sitting across the table from you is willing to give it their all too. then you swandive together, you gamble together. and you're both as vulnerably in love with one another. don't give up just yet, you're young, you're beautiful, and if you can love a boy you deserve to be loving a man, there is nothing more reviving.
    Also, and i know this is easier said than done, but don't dwell on it for too long, let it grow, let it be a lesson to you, hell make this story a part of you if you need to, and just gracefully move on. if i know anything about anything, i can guarantee you that this boy will hate himself soon enough for everything he's done, and chances are you will get an apology of some sort, don't wait for it, these little ones have a delayed regret response, it might take years. and it will bring you very little satisfaction when it does come because you would've moved on loooong before the supposed "emancipation" that his apology will bring you.

    you'll be fine. I promise. :)

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    1. Hi anonymous! Thanks for sharing your kind words--hope Chary sees them because I could NOT agree more!

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    2. Hi Anon,

      Thank you for your kind, beautiful words. Although Jessica has already said so! I have a feeling that you're right. One day, out of the blue, it would totally be unexpected and satisfying.

      <3

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