I’m sure you’re aghast as to why I’m not writing about all the lovey-dovey shit you and your beau can do with chocolate sauce on February 14, but sorry, today it's all about the single girls. You get the rest of the year to dote on each other and lather up in edible sauces anyway.
February 14, if you’re single, can be good or bad. You can A) take it as an excuse to get drunk with your friends and eat a shitload of chocolate (screw points tonight!) or B) you can throw shade at anyone who’s an ardent believer in the Hallmark holiday.
1. Get drunk: I’m talking Jacqueline Bisset at the Golden Globes drunk. And don’t waste your time with the cheap crap that’s on sale for Valentine’s Day (André, I’m looking at you) either. You’re single, so rub all that money you save on not having a boyfriend in your friends’ faces by sipping on Dom Pérignon, and then Instagram the hell out of it.
2. Eat a good meal: You know those people who say “whip up something healthy instead on V Day”? No, fuck them. Invite your friends over and have the best damn dinner and dessert of your LIFE.
3. Treat yo self: Get your nails did, your hair did, your back rubbed, your neck tickled - do it all. And drink champagne while doing it, obviously.
4. Go to the dog park: Take your dog to the dog park and meet someone eligible and single. A human, not a dog though.
5. Have a party: You’re not the only single person on the planet, so throw some Pigs in a Blanket in the oven and whip out the Glenlivet, it's time to party.
6. Ignore it: I heard all 6 seasons of LOST are on Netflix now. K bye.
7. Go out: Dancing, clubbing, bar hopping - whatever you like to do, just get out of the house and have some fun.