After a month of constant fighting, it seemed I didn’t love her anymore. We have had fights before, and I always thought of myself as the guy who doesn’t give up on a relationship easily. I believed in love and I believed that if we both worked hard enough, we could make the relationship work. But this time, somehow I lost all hope. We had threatened each other with breakups. We both loved each other but there was just something off about the relationship. Maybe it was the fact that we were both going through a tough time in life. We both were having difficulties financially, and she was having trouble finding a job. Every day we woke up with a new hope, but even the slightest disagreement could have led to a fight of catastrophic proportions. I decided to let the relationship go and move on. This time, it was no threat. It was a decision that I made. I knew it would be difficult to go through: we lived together, we ate together, we slept together, and we spent almost every living moment together. Being in a relationship where you have no space of your own is poison. And that poison had slowly eaten away the very foundation our relationship was built on. I tried breaking up in person, but to no avail. The fights had turned us into vicious animals who knew each other’s every weakness.So when I had to go away on business for a day, I called her and told her it was over. What followed was completely expected and I was prepared for it. All the anger, the manipulation, the threats, the bargaining, the name calling and demands--it went on for the entire day. That night, I went to sleep thinking the relationship that was making my life miserable was finally over, and I was right. But not in the sense I was thinking. I woke up with 147 missed calls. She thought that I wanted to break up because I thought she didn’t love me. She didn’t sleep all night because she just wanted to tell me that she loves me. She hadn’t spoken to me like this in months. And I realized even I still loved her. It wasn’t because of pity, or neediness, or the fear of breaking up. It was because I cared about her, and I still thought that below all this ugliness, there was love. That night changed the course of our relationship. We learned how to give each other space and respect each other even while arguing. I know some relationships are easy and some take work. But from what I’ve learned, even the ones that take work become easy after a while.
-Kevin; 27, Mountain View, CA (you can read more from Kevin here)
Kevin writes advice on breakups and giving relationships second chance at UnBreakup.org