Do you ever feel haunted by relationships in your past? Even if they weren't relationships, even if you just dated for a few weeks, or had a bad blind date, do you ever have painfully haunting memories that are brought on by the mere mention of that person's name?
Let's bond--I am haunted by someone I dated. And the sad part? It was years ago. I know...stop judging. I feel bad enough, guys.
CosmoGirl never taught me the right stuff. It was always: "Beauty Products That Drive Him Wild" or "Seven Different Ways to Get His Attention Between Classes...smiley face.”
But there was never a 40-something writer posing as a young, wise college student who gave the right advice like: "Reasons You Should Listen to Your Instincts About Someone Even If He's Cute and Charming Because He's Not Right For You (And Stop Checking Your Horoscope For Signs He is Right For You)."
So for years, no thanks to CosmoGirl, I've been rudely reminded of my inability to stop pursuing this person far past our expiration date. Like when I'm listening to my iPod and some dumb song comes on that he told me to listen to because I’d "loooove it," I'm reminded. Or when I'm passed out on the couch in a pile of rice cake crumbs and awoken by a TV show he tried to get me to watch, I'm reminded again. It's fucking annoying.
And why am I so bothered, you ask?
Because of what our "situation" became. Because even though I knew deep down he was so not right for me and that this thing, whatever it was, wasn’t going anywhere thanks to blatant signs, I wanted it to work.
So, like one of those girls Greg Behrendt wrote about in one of his dumb books, I continued to stick around.
But why would I want to stick around, you ask?
Because a lot of things. Because I liked the chase and fell victim several times: a guy was interested in me, I wanted nothing to do with him. But then the second I finally had feelings, he was crushin' on another girl and I was snappin' fingers and actin' all jealous and upset.
I also tended to latch onto the memory of those first few weeks you date someone. You know, when everything is all care-free and fun and you're exchanging Letterman's jackets like you're fucking Sandy and Danny in Grease? Meanwhile, you're ignoring pulsing questions in your mind like "Did he just check out another girl in front of me?" and "Is it me, or is he kind of irresponsible?"
So it should be no shock that in the midst of all this, the not-so-unthinkable happened: he called it off.
HOW DARE YOU.
How dare you break things off before I do. How dare you break things off even though I didn't like you that much anyway...the nerve you have.
I was hurt and I agreed someone had to pull the plug, but I just wanted to be the person to do it, damn it! And because I didn't, I am haunted by my own doing, or lack of doing I guess, and am now left with haunting memories of how I disregarded all the signs and let some guy take me along for the ride. Shaking. My. Head.
Moral of the story? We all make mistakes and some of us stay in situations that AREN'T working for too long. Just end it if you're not feeling it.