It's almost Halloween! It's the best time of year besides the day we get our tax return (unless you owe money or are running from the IRS). So if you don't know what to do this year - whether you're single, in a relationship or bored - here are some ideas:
FOR THE ROMANTIC:
You can go to a haunted house and pretend to be scared (even though you really are terrified) and meet a hot monster to fall in love with.
You can re-enact the scene in Ghost when Patrick Swayze gets behind Demi Moore while she's making her clay pot, except your clay pot will be a pumpkin and you'll be scraping the guts out of that sucker with your bare hands. Romance.
FOR THE HORNY:
You can "bob for apples." I put the quotes there so you know it's a dirty innuendo.
You can dress up as Russell Brand pre-Katy Perry (sex addict) on Oct 31 and act like Russell Brand.
You can play “trick or treat” with someone. Get it? Like, the adult version?
FOR PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO SELF-LOATHE:
Instead of handing out the bag of mini Snickers you bought for trick or treaters, run out and buy a bag of cheap hard candy, the stuff no one likes, put it in some Tupperware out front, turn your lights off and eat the mini Snickers on your couch while crying. Just cry it all out.
FOR THE REVENGEFUL:
You can find out what your ex is doing on Oct 31, dress up in complete disguise, show up, hit on him/her, and then surprise him/her.
FOR THE DESPERATE:
You can carve your phone number and/or Twitter handle into a pumpkin and put it on your porch. If you don't have a porch, you should probably hurry up and build one.
Since it doesn't matter who you reflect on, you can dress up like a slutty banana.
If you’re already slutty, you can wear body paint that looks like a banana.
FOR THE BORED:
You can dress your cat up in a Superman outfit and Instagram the shit out of it without a care in the world.
You can dress your cat up in a Superman outfit and Instagram the shit out of it without a care in the world.
You can learn the dance to "Thriller" because it's ah-maze-ing
