first kiss girl kissing mannequin

Let’s talk about first kisses, because like anything you do for the first time in your life, it’s fucking awkward.

I came to public school when I was 12 after attending a very, very private school that made me memorize Bible verses weekly and wear plaid jumpers; the most risqué thing I ever did there was rap a scene from Sister Act during an assemble. Those girls were so holy, even the junior highers kept their skirts at the acceptable length and shirts buttoned all the way up (bo-ring); not one single uniform looked naughtier than the other.

When I transferred to public school, girls were reading Cosmo and talking about blow jobs and I certainly wasn’t like all the other whores in my class who were off kissing boys during recess, I was holy. I wasn’t going to lose my K card to just anyone. So yeah, you can bet your ass it took me quite a few years to come back to Earth from the holy belt and let a boy near me, not that I didn’t want a boy near me because the five members of NSYNC were all over my walls at home, even the ugly one.

girl on phone, retro, teenager

The internet is a great place for people who have something to say. For example, you know your friend who always posts about how in love she is with her boyfriend/girlfriend and how super awesome her life is now that she has this person who runs to the drugstore to buy her Robitussin when she’s sick (insert pic of medicine here)?

So sweet.

Hell is couples on Facebook. I’m serious. Scroll down your newsfeed, dismiss baby photos, political rants and food pics, and notice all the love there is online: kissy face pictures, anniversary dates, engagement photos, play-by-plays of wedding plans, super cute status updates about each other, photo albums dedicated to just the two of you (no friends allowed), and don’t forget updating all of us with intimate moments that remind you of how incredible this person is to you (See, Robitussin).

It’s great that there are still couples out there who love each other and express their love for one another, and it’s great we have the internet to bring people together from sea to shining sea who may not normally be able to see you and Jimmy on your wedding day, but it’s just irritating and hide-worthy when it’s all over our news feeds too much. There is such thing as too much love, you guys.



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