relationships elvis presley priscilla presley

Okay, I didn't write this, but this is everything I wish I could have ever written about bad boyfriends and not being able to break up with them (which is why I felt compelled to post this article by Megan Dietz). Whether you've been in relationships you couldn't get out of or know someone who has, you can relate to this. I promise. 
I am a proudly independent woman. I value and crave my solitude, I have hobbies and an active social life, and clingy guys turn me off! But I can’t seem to stay single for one reason: there are some things I just don’t want to do alone. I have to admit it: more than once, I have found myself settling for a really bad boyfriend if it means I have a built-in date for trying new restaurants, going to amusement parks, weddings and similar functions, cuddling in bed on Sunday mornings, making out in the park, and, yeah, well, having sex. (You know, non-BFF activities!) The side effect is that I end up staying with guys who make me feel crazy and sad.
The world tells me that I'm a square peg if I don't have a date. EVERYONE I KNOW is married or engaged. And yeah, sometimes it does come from inside my own head. Like when I lie in bed and imagine arms wrapped around me, and just cry cause they're not there. Aaah, even typing it makes me cry! But I'm not co-dependent or even lonely, so what's the dealio? Is what I wonder. 

Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart Cheating Break-up R-Patz K-Stew


I know we hardly know each other, hardly, and I know I don't have a Twilight Baccalaureate to my name, but I firmly believe my background in broken hearts and toilet papering houses gives me the highest qualifications to present you with a plan that will turn your life around. Before you look away, I just want you to know I don't plan on billing you for this. This is purely for the greater good of the R-Patz community, your well being and the violation of the Seventh Commandment.  

I know the R-Patz army is huge and your fans would probably stone Kristen Stewart to death upon your request, but it's you that will make the ultimate impact. It's you, Robert, that can render the ultimate revenge.

What I'm saying is you need a rebound. A young, hot, smiley, rebound. Your rebound should be the exact opposite of your cunty, brooding ex. Ultimately, your goal is to hear down the grapevine that Kristen is sitting in a tree somewhere (she seems like the type to sit in trees), flummoxed and shrugging her shoulders asking "what does she have that I don't?"

Christian Slater True Romance

1. Always, ALWAYS, have K-Ci & JoJo’s “Crazy” on hand. You never know when you're going to need to sexify breakfast up a little.

2. Please note that every once and a while, a girl loves to be tossed back and kissed like you're in freakin’ Gone with the Wind.

3. Be thoughtful, which also means pay attention. Surprise her with little things that show you care (ie:” I saw this book today and I thought you’d like it” or “I recorded your favorite TV show since I know you worked late.”), I didn’t say you had to buy her a Rolex.

4. Be there for her. Sometimes we just need a minute to let it all out. So when she's depressed/anxious/hurt/mad or all those things at once (ek!), be sensitive to her needs, listen to her, be there for her, etc. etc. etc.

5. Flowers. Honestly, it's not cliché and they're really nice. Even the cheekiest of non-girly girls love flowers and don't believe the girl you're dating when she says "oh I don't need no flowers from any man" with an eye roll and two hair tosses. SHE'S LYING. Even if you pick it from a bush outside her house, that’s one more daffodil than she had before!

6. Surprise her: you don’t always have to stick to plans or do nice things on anniversaries, holidays or birthdays. It could be just because it’s Monday and you love her. Just sayin’.

7. Play with her hair. It sounds dumb but I'm serious. I don't mean put it in pigtails, just play with it in your fingers, okay? It’s sweet.

8. DON'T write her a poem, Google translate it into French and attempt reading it to her. She won't know what you're saying because your French sounds like a Jamaican accent with a lisp; however, DO tell her how you feel and use words like “amazing, best, beautiful,” instead of “#1, cool or hot.” The only exception is if you use all six of those words together. NOT.

9. This guy below:

10. If you have an accent like Pedro and speak Spanish fluently, never speak English again.

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One more thing! Check out my friend Phil Brody’s new book The Holden Age of Hollywood! His debut novel exposes the underappreciated business of screenwriting while unfolding a snarky and witty look at Hollywood. It's a great read and for anyone who enjoys cynical writing, he's your guy!

Tweet him @PhilBrody or check out the book on Facebook!



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