Monday, July 9, 2012

A story about a time I should have said "no"

Marcia Brady saying no to dates

It was a Saturday night and somehow I ended up watching a band I didn't know play in a warehouse that was a wasteland of 19 and 20 year-old's who weren’t old enough to get into bars and twenty-something try hard’s who were sick of that scene.  I was with a handful of my friends, everyone was drinking and dancing around and we were drinking and watching everyone dance around.

Then, in the midst of feeling like I was in that scene in Across the Universe where Jim Sturgess was rolling on an inflatable bed with what's-her-name, a couple guy friends we knew mixed into our circle. One guy we knew introduced us to his friend who was visiting for the weekend; he was nice and he kind of had this Michael J. Fox thing going on if Michael J. Fox played that guy in Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place (the short one).

At this point, I was a five on a scale of one to throwing up in a trash can so I was feeling nice and chatty; it was only expected that I took to MJF with a million questions. It just felt right, as right as anything feels when you're drinking Natural Ice and not wearing your glasses.



I asked him who he was, where he was from, questions, questions, questions. The questions surfaced some common interests we shared, making us seem like we could hit it off or something. And then the casual conversation escalated into a deep discussion about Aristotle and Descartes and "what it all means" because that's another thing I do when I drink, my brain indulges in deep philosophical intellect that I wish occurred when I was in college taking one of my Philosophy finals.

Then, during a bout of silence, me wondering where the hell my friends went and people watching, he casually told me he had never hit it off with someone so well and so fast. He also told me that even though he lived in another state, he'd consider looking into med school in California if he "had a good reason to." Hint hint.

I don’t even know how that happened – how did that conversation turn into an episode of The Bachelor. Was I flirting? Was my bra showing? Did I touch his elbow or something? 

At that point, I had two options: keep talking or walk away. Although he was nice and we had a good conversation (until…yeah), I just wasn’t into him like that. I live here and he lives there, he came on too strong, he was leaving, I wanted proximity if I was going to "get to know" anyone at all at that point - especially someone I had just met - and I wasn’t attracted to him. He just wasn’t my type and forgive me, but it was only normal to assume his sentiments weren't genuine given the circumstances (horny hipsters, beer, he was only there for the weekend - hit it and quit it?).

After telling him I was going to find my friends, he asked if we could hang out the next day because he was only in town throughout the weekend and forgetting my options, I obliged (why? because I thought about it for 6.5 seconds and even though I wasn't feeling deep, emotional chemistry with him, I was thinking that maybe I should just open myself up to all kinds of love like my weekly love horoscope on Yahoo! always says. Maybe, despite him coming on way too strong, that he lived really far away, that I was definitely taller than him - something I can't get over - and that I think I remember him saying something like "I just got out of a serious relationship but I'm looking for the right girl," I should just give him a chance because he’s really nice?).

I woke up the next morning almost forgetting about MJF until I was rudely reminded of how I "hit it off with that guy last night" by friends and after thinking about it for another 6.5 seconds, the last thing I wanted to do was put on a pretty dress and try to act romantically interested in someone I wasn't into over Caesar salads. If he wanted to be friends, fine. But it was evident he didn't the night before.

While hoping he was one of those people who didn’t actually follow through with hanging out with the person you met at a party/bar, he messaged me. UGH.

I was hung-over and all I wanted to do was sleep and eat greasy, disgusting food all day. So knowing he was leaving in a day or two, I "re-scheduled" thinking he wouldn't be able to, but to my surprise, he was still pushing for a time to hang out the following day or the day he left. 

After a weekend of trying to get me to meet up and me beating around the bush (because I wasn’t ballsy enough to say “no” and didn't want to hurt his feelings) he pulled a fast one and said “if you don't want to talk to me or if you didn't want to hang out with me, you should have just said so instead of leading me on."

I got told. I totally didn't expect him to call me out because who does that these days? But he was so right: I should have told him I didn’t want to hang out with him. All those years of eating my broken hearts in Peanut M&M’s and shouting “why do guys lead me on?” led to me doing the same thing?

Yeah, I knew right away that his willingness to openly tell a stranger he’d move was freaky, but I guess I saw something endearing in his childlike enthusiasm for like at first site. Who was I to shame him? But I did shame him - I mislead him and gave him false hope. I acted enthusiastic about hanging out but had no plans on following through. This guy might have been way too forward way too fast, but I guess he really did want to get to know me.

So basically: treat others how you want to be treated ladies! AND gents.

You might also like:

Thoughts from a girl in a bar
Thoughts from a girl on her worst date ever
My first date was the worst date

@Blogwithbenefit

7 comments :

  1. Things you learn from experience! I never say yes, nor do I say no; I smile and give a vague response that doesn't tie me to any obligations and it works unless the guy in question is annoying and doesn't get the message the first few times...then I have to be harsh and say 'no'. It is not always pleasant to play the bad guy (or in my case girl) but at least I don't have to worry about keeping up fake promises. Loved this post, as usual =)

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  2. Yes, lesson well learned Colette!!

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  3. Hi dear! I'm visiting from Bloggers.com and am your newest follower now! Love your blog and hope you will come visit me and follow back if you like! xx Pip

    http://easyoutfitsbypip.blogspot.com

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  4. "MJF" definitely sounded a little clingy; maybe he was looking for a rebound gal? Even though he's right that you probably should have told him up front that you didn't wanna hang out, that is a task that's often easier said than done. Great post!

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  5. @ Pip thanks for stopping by!

    @Kris he was definitely a bit clingy which is probably why I really didn't want to hang out with him. MAYBE if he was a little more of a dream boat, I would have tested the lunch thing out to you know, make friends or whatever, but it wasn't meant to be. Lesson learned. and thank you!

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  6. Thanks for sharing this experience. I was actually looking for some dating site reviews when I came to your blog and com across your post.

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  7. I really need to learn to say no when I mean no... pestering ex asking for a near naked pic? Ummm not tonight ok? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! I will NOT be sending any such picture... I fail at life. Love Elle xo

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