fast times at ridgemont high phoebe cates

1. This month you can be extra patriotic by hooking up with all types of Americans! Your country tis of thee, right?

2. Because I just saw a commercial for's new event called The Stir, aka a customized event gathering singles with similar interests, ages, haircuts – whatever – in a bowling alley or something so everyone can mingle and fall in love. So basically it's a synchronized Friday night out, but this time you know everyone there is available and everyone there probably likes Pirates of the Caribbean 1 and 2 just as much as you. Hooray for July fun!

3. July means that you’re basically looking your best: you’re a little tanner and a little thinner thanks to that Jennifer Hudson who keeps prancing around on TV in her white dress singing about her points and how good she feels reminding you that it's not cable knit sweater season. When you’re feeling good, you’re more inclined to mingle and end up in mysterious bedrooms as opposed to when you’ve got that Christmas cookie bloat/flaky winter complexion mid-December.

4. Summer means free events like concerts in parks, movies in cemeteries (wait, that's not free LA), fireworks and all that fun red, white and blue stuff. So take your frugal cheap ass to the park and rub elbows with like-minded coupon clippers.

5. Because Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise just filed for divorce and if Scientology can't save them, we're all doomed this month. 

6. Everyone is outside playing Hopscotch and running through the sprinklers, so cut back on the Maury and go outside where the people are!

7. Because YOLO

8. Because remember when your girlfriend went to the river last month and told you she was at a church retreat but then when she got home, photos of her in pasties and hanging on some guy with a handlebar mustache appeared on Facebook? That's why it's good to be single this month because she's a lying whore.

9. It's a great month to not be spending money on dinner for two or tickets to a zoo you'd normally never,ever visit. You'll probably save enough money for a Mexican cruise and six iPads, I'm serious. Book the cruise now, on one of your iPads.



  1. Number 9!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahaha!!

  2. Love Love Love it! Especially number 5 and 9! You surely know how to discourage the mass from dating :)))

  3. @Elle thanks for reading!

    @Colette aw! I don't want to discourage people, I'm just trying to shed light on being single right now. For those who wish they weren't. Thanks for reading as always!




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