Wednesday, July 25, 2012

How to avoid having sex too soon


Avoid sex too soon couple making out hipsters floral button down
Photo source: unknown

Sex is great: it's why we’re here, it’s natural, it’s fun, and it's intense, but sex can also be a total potential relationship ruiner. Why? Because if you’re getting intimate at the earliest convenience – a jacuzzi, a dark theater, a bathroom – and it doesn’t lead to the type of relationship you want, there's a high probability you might feel like crap about yourself.

Now, if you’re one of those people who is whippin' it out and having sex without a care in the world and it’s working for you, GREAT, I'm happy for you because that's your prerogative Bobby Brown, and if you had sex with some guy in the handicap stall at a Dodger game and now he’s your husband, then stop reading this, but if you’re starting relationships like this and feeling regret or pressure, or things crumble into a pile of shit quickly after having sex, I think it’s time to zip your pants.



1. Don't have sex with someone who has only taken you to dinner once, or even twice. I'll let you be the judge of how long you should wait. It doesn't prove anything like that you REALLY want to be with that person, it just proves you really want that person IN you.

2. If you end up making out and lying down with your bodies smashed together, avoid penetration, most importantly, avoid penetration of the penis. Until you at least know one thing about their childhood and whether or not they're bi-curious (which says A LOT about someone by the way), can you establish whether or not you like the person enough to get intimate and take it to the next level.

3. Avoid beds, showers, cars, table and counter tops, bean bags, washing machines, stairways, dark rooms, isolated areas, closets, and lazy boys: these are highly sexable areas for people who are horny, physically attracted to each other or haven't had sex in a while.

4. If you have feelings for someone and you're not seeing much reciprocated, I warn you, using your vagina to persuade someone into a relationship will NOT work. Hello! Sex is not the only way to show you want to be their main squeeze.

6. Don't have sex to claim someone. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of.

7. Don't have sex to prove you CAN have sex and that you're not a prude. Everyone can have sex: you just put a penis in a vagina. If someone wants to have sex with you and is annoyed that you won't, well, maybe you should reconsider their intentions.

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13 comments:

  1. Well said, Jess! Especially the last point. Girls tend to worry a lot that the guy they are seeing will leave them if they don't give into sleeping with them when they are not ready, and that is a mistake because 1) he will get what he want 2) there is no guarantee that he will stay and be yours. So it's important to wait a little and to think things through than rush and then get burned.

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  2. Great post! Regarding the notion of sex too soon, I've always just gone with my instincts, and by and large, they've proved correct. I'm not of the opinion that sex has to lead to a long-term relationship, though, and that's a mindset which probably doesn't work well for people who have hang ups about sexuality.

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    1. Thanks Kris! Instincts are a great way to go too. Sometimes a relationship isn't what a person is looking for and they might just looking for a sexual aspect... if it works for a person it works!

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  3. Thanks Colette, and yes I agree that females tend to worry about it much more than men. It's sad but it happens all the time

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  4. "using your vagina to persuade someone into a relationship will NOT work" - so true, and I wish more girls realised that.
    The amount of girlfriends I have had to comfort who are crying about the fact that they had sex with the guy and now he doesn't want to date them, and they regret it. Honey, he never wanted to date you. He didn't want the same things from the outset but you didn't want to see / hear that!
    Also - if you have sex too soon, you may confuse lust with love.
    Great post! x Precious

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    1. I know! So true! It's so hard to make the right decision in that moment, but it beats feeling like shit about it afterward. Well, then there's that whole "live and learn" thing....

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  5. Funny girl says funny stuff! I hate the pressures of sex... it's so silly... I have done things wrong, and I have done things right and what does it matter, as long as you are happy and no-one is getting hurt... then I say... pants off dance off! No regrets! :) Love Elle xo

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    1. What does it matter?! Exactly! As long as you're happy with yourself! And besides, there's always that learning curve!

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  6. Exactly! Having sex too soon may not lead to the relationship that you wanted. It is good to give it time and actually get know if it is the right thing to do. Doing things in a hurry can lead to major regret.

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    1. Yep! There's not use in hurrying anything. If it's worth your time, you will have plenty of time together, so people just need to cool their jets

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  7. This made me become more inspired for my next relationship. A good timing for everything is always the key if looking for a partner. Some dating site reviews greatly influenced me to be patient and wait for Mr. Right.

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  8. Thanks so much <3 I'm kinda in a weird situation now and i definitely needed that!!

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