Avoid sex too soon couple making out hipsters floral button down
Photo source: unknown

Sex is great: it's why we’re here, it’s natural, it’s fun, and it's intense, but sex can also be a total potential relationship ruiner. Why? Because if you’re getting intimate at your earliest convenience – a jacuzzi, a dark theater, a bathroom – and it doesn’t lead to the type of relationship you want, there's a high probability you might feel like crap about yourself.

Now, if you’re one of those people who is whippin' it out and having sex without a care in the world and it’s working for you, GREAT, I'm happy for you, keep doing your thing. And if you had sex with a stranger in the handicap stall at a Dodger game and he’s now your husband, ALL the power to you. But if you want more than a fling with someone, and you're realizing that every time you're intimate too soon makes things crumble into a pile of crap, it's time to zip up your jeans and get to know one another a little better. Here's how to do that:

Justin Timberlake waterfall

The other day I was cleaning out some boxes of old stuff I kept from my teeny bopper years and found wadded up photo's of Paul Walker and Justin Timberlake that I once had pressed to the cover of my three-ringed-binder in high school. 

You see, when I was 14, I had nothing better to do than fantasize about celebrities that were unattainable, so for funsies, here’s a list of all the boys I thought I was in love with up until…not that long ago (well not all of them, just the ones I had it bad for). Don’t judge.

Erik Von Detten: This was Disney's fault. He was in that Brink! movie and I was dumb. Then he came back in The Princess Diaries and I was so smitten. Basically, Disney kept regurgitating him so I had no choice NOT to like him!

Starcrossed wildfox trying to move on

Photo by Kimberley Gordon

With every step, I could hear the crashing waves behind me as my feet touched the cold, sand covered ground. When I walked out I had every intention of not looking back, but as I stood in the dark glancing back at the walkway that was set forth in front of me, I took one giant unrealistic leap.

I met him two years ago and there was instant attraction with his dark beard, brown eyes, subtle confidence, and hippie style. I caught him during an “it’s complicated,” period – he was just taking a break from his ex when he met me, and with our common interests and off-the-charts chemistry, a fling emerged. I admitted I didn’t want anything serious, I should have known.

Marcia Brady saying no to dates

It was a Saturday night and somehow I ended up watching a band I didn't know play in a warehouse that was a wasteland of 19 and 20 year-old's who weren’t old enough to get into bars and twenty-something try hard’s who were sick of that scene.  I was with a handful of my friends, everyone was drinking and dancing around and we were drinking and watching everyone dance around.

Then, in the midst of feeling like I was in that scene in Across the Universe where Jim Sturgess was rolling on an inflatable bed with what's-her-name, a couple guy friends we knew mixed into our circle. One guy we knew introduced us to his friend who was visiting for the weekend; he was nice and he kind of had this Michael J. Fox thing going on if Michael J. Fox played that guy in Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place (the short one).

At this point, I was a five on a scale of one to throwing up in a trash can so I was feeling nice and chatty; it was only expected that I took to MJF with a million questions. It just felt right, as right as anything feels when you're drinking Natural Ice and not wearing your glasses.

fast times at ridgemont high phoebe cates

1. This month you can be extra patriotic by hooking up with all types of Americans! Your country tis of thee, right?

2. Because I just saw a commercial for Match.com's new event called The Stir, aka a customized event gathering singles with similar interests, ages, haircuts – whatever – in a bowling alley or something so everyone can mingle and fall in love. So basically it's a synchronized Friday night out, but this time you know everyone there is available and everyone there probably likes Pirates of the Caribbean 1 and 2 just as much as you. Hooray for July fun!

3. July means that you’re basically looking your best: you’re a little tanner and a little thinner thanks to that Jennifer Hudson who keeps prancing around on TV in her white dress singing about her points and how good she feels reminding you that it's not cable knit sweater season. When you’re feeling good, you’re more inclined to mingle and end up in mysterious bedrooms as opposed to when you’ve got that Christmas cookie bloat/flaky winter complexion mid-December.

4. Summer means free events like concerts in parks, movies in cemeteries (wait, that's not free LA), fireworks and all that fun red, white and blue stuff. So take your frugal cheap ass to the park and rub elbows with like-minded coupon clippers.

5. Because Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise just filed for divorce and if Scientology can't save them, we're all doomed this month. 

6. Everyone is outside playing Hopscotch and running through the sprinklers, so cut back on the Maury and go outside where the people are!

7. Because YOLO

8. Because remember when your girlfriend went to the river last month and told you she was at a church retreat but then when she got home, photos of her in pasties and hanging on some guy with a handlebar mustache appeared on Facebook? That's why it's good to be single this month because she's a lying whore.

9. It's a great month to not be spending money on dinner for two or tickets to a zoo you'd normally never,ever visit. You'll probably save enough money for a Mexican cruise and six iPads, I'm serious. Book the cruise now, on one of your iPads.




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