Girls shooting guns, leading others on
Photo courtesy of VICE

Dear people who lead others on,

I want to address something you have done, someone you know has done, or something you might do one day. It's a bad habit some people keep repeating and it needs to stop. So consider this Intervention minus cameras, methamphetamines and me presenting you with a gift of rehab somewhere in Idaho.

Here's the problem, you and too many others are leading people on: leading someone on is the worst thing a human can do to another person (besides identity theft, cheating and murder of course). It makes you, the culprit, look bad, and it also makes people think terribly of you because you can’t muster up the courage to be open with what you want.

When you know you don't want to be exclusive with someone, or even date someone who you know likes you, you need to tell them. You should feel lucky that someone adores you enough to want to be your boyfriend or girlfriend, but don’t strip yourself of the privilege by abusing their emotions.

You have to be honest with what your relationship with this person is to you. If it's just sex, then you need to tell him or her that it's just sex.

If you know this person has a big fat crush on you, then don't flirt, don't call this person when you're feeling sorry for yourself after you drank too many Bud Light Platinum's, don't compliment this person's looks,don't go out to breakfast or linger after you have sex, don't give this person presents "just because," don't invite this person to places like the movies, and don't send them winky faces in texts or PM's. You shouldn't even be within 200 feet of this person because doing any of the above with someone you don't want to date (because you don’t like him/her in that way or you don’t want a relationship with anyone) will lead them on. And besides, it's just mean. Like cyber bully mean.

If you're in a relationship and you know the person you're dating wants to take it to the next level – moving in, marriage, kids, role play – and you don't, don't you dare keep telling that person "when I’m ready." If you're not ready for role play after being together for seven years, you will never be ready with that person.

You of all people should know that when you get a crush/fall for someone, you want nothing more than to be with that person; you’ve had crushes before, I know you know what I’m talking about.

So there, leading people on sucks: it makes you look like a selfish coward who disregards a persons emotions by reaping the benefits of their love and/or sex because you have an inability to be honest and one day, you will understand when it happens to you. It's rude, it's immature, and it's like making fun of the chubby kid in gym class. Someone shouldn't be shamed for liking you enough to want to date you just like a chubby kid shouldn't be shamed for trying to dunk.


  1. Very moving letter. Makes me feel sorry for who you are mad with because they hurt you.

    The picture makes the point, very expressive!

  2. Thank you!

    P.S. This letter is really a voice for everyone who has been there and not so much to one person in particular. It's never just about one person... ;)

  3. people who behave in this manner are insecure egotists who are generally lacking in social skills and compassion; they are to be avoided at all costs! the problem is weeding them out...

  4. Great letter, Jess!
    We all did or will lead someone (in purpose or by accident) in the course of our life, and thus it is important that we understand that this is not a way to live. It hurts us, it hurts others. People should be more considerate of others and "treat others just like they would like to be treated". I know I'd rather face the ugly truth rather than live in disillusion...

  5. Bravo Missy. I hate to admit that I have been this person, but I have also been on the receiving end and you are right ... it SUCKS! You have a big heart Jessica Druck and you are better people than most. Love Elle xo

  6. I totally agree.Great post.

  7. Stop having sex outside of marriage and you will solve most dating confusion problems! Besides that, don't give your whole self away so easily to every silly person who comes along and you will solve the

  8. For some reason this happens to me a lot. It's gotten to the point when a woman shows interest in me I immediately distrust her. I'm left hurt and confused, wondering what I did wrong. This should be required reading.




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