couple kissing keelan tollefson

Lying next to him I feel so safe, so protected, as if the rest of the world has come to a stand still. I snuggle into my space and I now know that this is what I do this for, this makes it worth it. I’m almost afraid to go to sleep. What if it’s a dream? What if when we wake in the morning it’ll be like every other day. Like the act of sleep has erased everything as if it didn’t happen.

I lie next to him, too scared to move in case I wake him, almost holding my breath. Even blinking causes me to think twice. I just want to lay in this moment, with his warm heavy breath on the back of my neck, his arm a protective shield against the rest of the world. I don’t want this to end. And with my thought , as if he’s heard, he mumbles in his sleep, like a giant ogre turns over noisily and puts his back to me. And here I am back in the cold spot, with no protective shield; I’ve lost him... well for tonight anyway.

Still I lie motionless, if I have lost him I don’t want to wake him, that would be worse than waking him in ‘our moment’. In my cold spot I try to think has it always been like this? How did it start? Is it really that bad? They always talk of bruises and cuts, that’s never happened, so maybe this isn’t bad, this is good, he loves me, he does it because he loves me.

From 16 to 18 I lost me. From 18 to 26 I was still trying to find me. With my 27th birthday fast approaching I am making some sense of me. I didn't feel it start, I didn't see it start and I didn't realise how skilled he was at his craft. Like a man with an ice pick, chipping away to reveal a masterpiece: except he let me melt.

Now I look at what I have and to write and wallow in the past would mean that I am still a puddle. I look over at the one who is fixing me, who doesn't care that I am mostly insane and loves me for every crazy thing I think and do and who holds my hand in the dark and makes me feel safe, always, forever. I wish every woman who is lost in the dark could see that it doesn't have to be forever but YOU have to be the one to stretch out your arm and switch on the light.

I switched my own light on, he just makes sure it never burns out

-Elle Lavell; UK, 27 years old

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hipster red head girl


Sing “girl, look at my body. I work out” to me, tweet the lyrics because it's a "feel good song that represents you" and mention we should see LMFAO live, I’d love to. Also, can you never brush your teeth again? Your Olive Garden breath is pleasant. Is that the "endless soup and salad" I smell?

I’d like you more if you were completely dependent on your parents. You should call them all the time because they’re really good at answering questions like what to do when you forget your debit card in the ATM and how to iron polyester. Oh my god, can you be really clingy too? Can you text me when you know I'm sleeping or unavailable to talk with endless brain banter? Nothing screams “let’s get serious” more than "watcha doin? I'm tired. Sigh, there's nothing on TV. Hello? Should I eat spaghetti tonight? Watcha doin?"

Also, make sure you announce that you’re going to be single for the rest of your life on Facebook so we can all comment “no you won't, stop it! You’re great! Who wouldn’t want to be with you?” Then continue to sulk like it’s a Morrissey music video so we can all feel sorry for you.

Keep going for people who are out of your league like supermodels or mermaids. Also, have affairs, pursue people who are taken and don’t get over your ex. It has only been four years anyway.

Keep dating people you meet online. I’m serious. And only limit yourself to people who poke you or people who are OK according to Cupid. Don’t ever hit on someone you see in real life, actually, just stay home. Don’t go out, ever.

Don’t text me back and feel free to update your Facebook status about some philosophical idea you had like “why are we all here?” instead. Be promiscuous too; there’s nothing sexier than a person who has slept with more people than I’ve had dentists clean my teeth.

Ah, and you know what’s a major turn on? If you went on a dating show on VH1 or MTV involving a washed up MySpace celebrity with a name like Tila Tequila or Willa Whiskey. That’s so hot. And have sex on camera. Have sex with multiple people. Have sex with multiple people at the same time. My parents will love you. Can we just run away and get married already?

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It's Wednesday and I don't have much to say about love, life, dating, sex, uneven boobs, or the shirtless guy I saw yesterday standing on the shoulder of the freeway wearing white framed sunglasses and shorts sagging like it was 1996. So here's something for people who don't feel like reading.

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vintage couple on bikes



Girls shooting guns, leading others on
Photo courtesy of VICE

Dear people who lead others on,

I want to address something you have done, someone you know has done, or something you might do one day. It's a bad habit some people keep repeating and it needs to stop. So consider this Intervention minus cameras, methamphetamines and me presenting you with a gift of rehab somewhere in Idaho.

Here's the problem, you and too many others are leading people on: leading someone on is the worst thing a human can do to another person (besides identity theft, cheating and murder of course). It makes you, the culprit, look bad, and it also makes people think terribly of you because you can’t muster up the courage to be open with what you want.

When you know you don't want to be exclusive with someone, or even date someone who you know likes you, you need to tell them. You should feel lucky that someone adores you enough to want to be your boyfriend or girlfriend, but don’t strip yourself of the privilege by abusing their emotions.

You have to be honest with what your relationship with this person is to you. If it's just sex, then you need to tell him or her that it's just sex.

If you know this person has a big fat crush on you, then don't flirt, don't call this person when you're feeling sorry for yourself after you drank too many Bud Light Platinum's, don't compliment this person's looks,don't go out to breakfast or linger after you have sex, don't give this person presents "just because," don't invite this person to places like the movies, and don't send them winky faces in texts or PM's. You shouldn't even be within 200 feet of this person because doing any of the above with someone you don't want to date (because you don’t like him/her in that way or you don’t want a relationship with anyone) will lead them on. And besides, it's just mean. Like cyber bully mean.

If you're in a relationship and you know the person you're dating wants to take it to the next level – moving in, marriage, kids, role play – and you don't, don't you dare keep telling that person "when I’m ready." If you're not ready for role play after being together for seven years, you will never be ready with that person.

You of all people should know that when you get a crush/fall for someone, you want nothing more than to be with that person; you’ve had crushes before, I know you know what I’m talking about.

So there, leading people on sucks: it makes you look like a selfish coward who disregards a persons emotions by reaping the benefits of their love and/or sex because you have an inability to be honest and one day, you will understand when it happens to you. It's rude, it's immature, and it's like making fun of the chubby kid in gym class. Someone shouldn't be shamed for liking you enough to want to date you just like a chubby kid shouldn't be shamed for trying to dunk.

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