Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Why you're in the friend zone


friend zone couple kissing
Photo courtesy of Retro-Space

Two things can happen when it comes to the friend zone: you can put someone in the friend zone because you don't want to see them naked or, you can be put in the friend zone because you're a scaredy cat and afraid to make a move on someone you want to see naked.

This problem is a clear and present danger and if we don't put an end to it, it's going to be bigger than global warming. Okay, maybe not, but seriously, what if that happened?

We all know what it means when you're putting someone in the friend zone because you've done it and you know why you've done; you're telling a poor innocent soul "I don't like you enough to fuck you exclusively,” which is also known to mean "let's be friends instead."

However, when you're the one who ends up wallowing in the friend zone because you've been put there, it means you spent too much time wondering if how you felt was how she felt and let your nerves get the better of you resulting in you not making any moves. There’s nothing else to it, I shouldn’t even keep typing but I will because you’re not getting it.

When you don't establish what it is you want from someone you're into, what you're after will never be known. Trust me. If a guy asks me to hang out and we end up blowing bubbles in a park and playing Super Mario Kart at 1 in the afternoon at his moms’ house, I'm going to assume this person is looking for a new best friend. I don't know about you, but I have enough friends and if I genuinely like someone and/or want them naked in my bed, I don't want to be their friend.

Make sense?

I know you want to be around this person because she’s the cat’s meow, but don’t let it result in just “hanging out,” you have to hit on her.

Ask her out on a date (please make sure she's single) and make sure she knows it's a date; step up your game – no more high fives and handshakes. Stepping up your game also includes (but is not limited to): letting your hand linger on her knee a little longer, touching the small of her back, making sexual eye contact across a room, and brushing her damn hair out of her face. I know you have it in you, just go for it.

Also, all that time you're spending picking daisies and asking "does she like me, does she like me not?" is making her think you don't because you're not acting like you do buddy and she's probably going to move on.

So if you like her, make it known. And if you end up in the friend zone again, it's because you asked her to come over to your moms’ house at 1 in the afternoon to play video games.

PS. Don’t tell me you made moves and still ended up in the friend zone, that’s not the friend zone my dear, that’s the rejection zone. She’s just being nice.

PSS. Don’t be overzealous about letting her know you like her, girls get freaked out by that stuff.

12 comments :

  1. Haha I loved this. Before Elle and The Chef I always had guys in the friend zone, and then I would get drunk and sleep with them and then they could never quite understand/respect their place in the zone and then would kick up a fuss and well you know how that one ends... so one more word of advice... even if you are lonely and drunk and you know your established friend still likes you after they have seen you eat 2 wendy's and have cried over an ex, this does NOT give you the right to jump their bones and expect them to play mario kart and eat burgers the next day. Someone will get hurt... and it'll probably be you!

    Love Elle xo

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  2. ELLE! Your comments are always amazing and I think you just sparked another blog post. Stay tuned! It's not about Wendy's though, unfortunately...

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  3. Good post. People often waste too much time wondering what could have happened, because they didn't just tell someone how they felt. I'm not saying it's easy. But I never thought my husband would be interested in me, and now I'm glad I spoke up.

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  4. Exactly Robin. It's funny how easy it can be for some to flirt with people and/or date, but when that one person you meet that you feel could be important, you can hardly be yourself. And because of that, great things could be lost.

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  5. Jessica... you always know how to make a girl smile... even when smiling is the most painful thing ever... I have a cold sore and you just split it... good work!

    Love Elle xo

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  6. Yeah, being put there sucks but sometimes that's what happens when you aren't making moves. COME on! Women are traditionalists! We aren't supposed to ask you to dinner

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  7. I tried to post a response earlier but realized that Safari does not let me submit my comments on blogger >_< weird.

    Anyway, great post as usual, Jessica! I think it can actually go both ways, some of those things can also relate to a girl falling into a "friendship zone". We should be very careful how we act around some people, especially if we hope to be more than just a friend.

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  8. @Colette , I agree! If girls don't want to be considered a friend, they too need to act upon it. Besides, it's 2012!

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  9. I absolutely love the part about the rejection zone. However, many times guys claim to have made the moves, but never really acted on them, in which case they need to get off their lazy rear ends and do something.

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  10. Too true about making a move and going for it! So many people complain but sit in inaction and wonder why things haven't changed

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