To all my single ladies:
So you just broke up with your lovah and you're just like totally, completely, miserable. You're in the beginning stages of Sad, Missing, Wanting Him Back, and Anger, and you just don’t know what to do. I got you babygirl, don’t worry.
So here's what I want you to do when the unmentionable happens:
1. Clean up your social networks: this is a time for you to heal and continuing to dilute yourself with the past won't allow you to do so. Either delete him or hide him from social networks (including, but not limited to: Facebook, Instagram, SnapChat, Vine, Twitter, Reddit, Tumblr, Flickr, Google Plus, Friendster, MySpace, LiveJournal, Skype, EVERYTHING) because only two things can happen if you don't: You will see that he's sitting around "liking" things one day and you'll either say "Awww I love how he likes sloth's, he's so cute, I miss him so much" and then you'll cry, or "I fucking hate him and how he thought sloths were so fucking cute. Fuck him and fuck sloths" and then you'll cry again.
Just trust me.
2. Stay busy: lying in bed sulking will make you sulk more. Thinking about how you're lying in bed sulking over him will make you sulk more. Me thinking about how you're lying in bed sulking over him will make ME sulk. Stop it. Get out, mingle, or go on day-cation, whatever.
3. Get active: exercise releases endorphins! It's better than booze or meth or whatever you consider in this serious time of need, trust me, you don't want to end up on Intervention. I am not saying you're turning to meth, but really, SERIOUS FACE. Lift a weight.
4. Change something: now is the time to be you. Dye your hair or change your makeup or lose those five pounds you've been meaning to. TRUST ME. Having a change is like getting a new body. It revamps you.
**I'd add in "delete phone number" here, but odds are you have it memorized so you're shit out of luck. Sorry.
5. If you are struggling to move on, make a list of good and bad traits he had or you two had together. Usually the bad outweighs the good and it helps to really see why what you're doing is better for YOU. Okay sistah?
6. Don't, just don't, hang out at places he does. Don't hope you will run into him. Don't stage anything so you'll randomly be at the same coffee shop that happens to be right by his work – the one he goes to every morning before work – which is nowhere near yours). Running into someone un-accidentally won't make them magically realize they want you back. You may think if you look real good and they see you, they're going to change their mind, but you're in the “Missing” stage, which is looking like the “Stalker” stage if you do this. If they want you and it's meant to be, they will contact you.
7. Thank your friends: make them a card, get them balloons, a flower, a hug, a bottle of champagne - anything! Do you ever think about how many texts you send and belligerent calls you make about your ex and they pause Jersey Shore to listen? THANK THEM!
8. If nothing else works, just trust me on this, go in your room and sing Adele. Sing like your only job in the world is to sing. The girl has got powerful words, and if you turn it up loud enough, you will sound JUST like her, wink.
Good luck, and remember time heals all. It won't happen overnight, but you can help the process and listen to this song in the mean time.