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It began with a few snowballs hitting my back and ended with the door hitting it instead.

On our first date, we decided to meet up outside her dorm before walking over to a nearby restaurant. Sweat was literally dripping off my hands when I saw how beautiful she looked in the distance. When we got a little closer to each other, we both began laughing because we were wearing almost identical outfits! Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t wearing a dress or anything, but the style and the colors were exactly the same, even down to the socks! That’s when I knew this girl was special.

I have a lot of trouble in social situations, so oral presentations in class were always one of the hardest things for me to overcome. Anyhow, this girl was so amazing, she made sure to sit in the back of the classroom whenever I had to give a speech. She’d sit in a place where I could focus on her, guiding my nerves. That was really special.

She used to make herself laugh and then laugh harder at her own laughter. I think the most prominent quirk she had was her sense of humor. Now, I am pretty strange and tend to find humor in strange places but I think she had me beat.

I think I could be satisfied just remembering this next moment if I never experienced love again. I was taking the train, on my way back into the city. She called me to say that she’d be at the station to meet me, which is always comforting. When I arrived at the station I didn’t see her, so I walked up the stairs and wandered over to the other platform where I could get a better view. I looked down the steps and there must have been about a hundred people milling around, yet I was completely transfixed on her. It was as if time had stopped and the entire world grew silent, looking through the crowd, as she was trying to find me. Somewhere embedded in that moment, was the realization that someone I was deeply in love with felt the same way for me.

After three years together, we were reaching the end of our relationship.

On one of our last dates we went out to a club on the wrong side of town. She wanted to stay and wasn’t really thinking about the possibility of me getting jumped or worse… So we had a big argument; lots of deep, underlying emotions came into play, so it wasn’t just about the situation at hand. Eventually, we got back to her apartment and she slammed the door on me. I would’ve just left, but I realized she had the key to my apartment. So I knocked on the door, had the doorman give her a call and basically caused a bit of commotion. Meanwhile, her neighbors are getting upset, yelling “Leave her alone!” out their doors. So I’m yelling back – “She has my key!” and believe me, they weren’t buying it.

Finally, I got in touch with her, she throws my key under the door and just my luck – it bounces back into her room! So I just thought, forget it. It obviously wasn’t my night so I fell asleep on a couch in the lobby. Metaphorically, the story represents an amazing relationship, while it lasted, but one that gradually grew into a search for the key to her love. The climax being when she tries to give it back to me but I just cannot reach it. 

-Matt Dangler; Demarest, New Jersey.
Matt is an artist and based a painting off this story. See his work here.

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girl at beach, reasons to be yourself

You know when you're in high school and you get a crush on someone who you think is all that and a bag of chips until you find out that they’re into death metal and then suddenly, you’re Googling death metal so you two have something “in common?”

Do you know what I mean?

So you end up all into death metal dating this person who's all into death metal, but really, you're not. And then one day, you realize you've been lying to yourself for some guy (or girl) who has no idea who you really are because you aren't being yourself. Oh, and you hate death metal.

Do you know what I mean?

Sometimes we're attracted to people who probably aren't the right fit, or even if they are, we can feel like we can't be ourselves with them (for whatever reason - insecurities, fear of losing someone's interest, etc.). I've done it, you've done it, we've all done it, and in case you haven't heard, being yourself is so 2012. No, really.

Here are five reasons you should be yourself, no matter what: 

1. Don’t hide your quirks: the right person won’t care that you wear plaid pants with a striped shirt or that you stop and dance to "Thriller" in a Rite Aid. Why? Because they like you for you and your quirky weirdness. Stop pretending you have no desire to drop it like it's hot out of the blue.

2. Convincing yourself that you like something you don’t really like, like death metal, will only make you hate it more. Trust me! And then when things don’t turn out in your favor, you’re going to be stuck with a closet full of weird band tee’s with skulls and shit on them, and be rudely reminded of that person every time you hear death metal forcing you to project words like “I hate all the death metal in the whole entire world.” And then everyone will be looking at you like, "what's this girl's problem?"

3. Rid yourself of insecurities: whatever it is you feel someone will judge you about, they won’t. Everyone has something they’re insecure about and no one is perfect. So if you’re trying to get rid of five pounds you’re ashamed of, get over yourself, stop being a hungry bitch, and eat some bread. That person is with you; if five pounds (or whatever it is you’re insecure about) was a deal-breaker, they’d be gone already.

4. Speak your mind: not speaking up about your interests, beliefs and opinions aint no fun if the homies can't get none, like the song, theoretically speaking. Everyone has an opinion – it makes life more interesting – if you’re not speaking your mind and going with the flow too much, see #2!

5. Stop being with people who don’t embrace you in all your glory; being with someone who lets you be you is the BEST feeling in the world. So don’t waste time not being you, even if you’re only not being you a little bit, make sense?

Pass it on!
Falling in love, making out

I don't know if you guys know this (it's okay, I didn't until Thursday) but John Steinbeck, the Nobel Prize recipient and author of wonderful books like The Grapes of Wrath, has a published book full of letters he has written: Steinbeck: A Life in Letters.

These aren't just letters, they are profound, eloquent and somewhat tear-jerking letters (well, maybe if you just can't control your emotions like me).

Steinbeck wrote the below letter to his son Thom in 1958 after Thom opened up to him about falling in deep love with a girl named Susan while away at boarding school.

Steinbeck writes the most timeless words to his son that I think anyone can relate to; I felt nothing short of compelled to share this:

New York
November 10, 1958
Dear Thom:
We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.
First -- if you are in love -- that's a good thing -- that's about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don't let anyone make it small or light to you.
Second -- There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you -- of kindness and consideration and respect -- not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn't know you had.
You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply -- of course it isn't puppy love.
But I don't think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it -- and that I can tell you.
Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.
The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.
If you love someone -- there is no possible harm in saying so -- only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.
Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.
It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another -- but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.
Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I'm glad you have it.
We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.
And don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens -- The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.
Love,
Fa

(via the Atlantic)
dating look-a-likes, hot girl

Once upon a time I dated a guy (dated is the nice term I will use for playing cat and mouse and partaking in immature drama)  who after weeks of bullshit, casually mentioned in an "I got you tone" during what was our terminal end-all of whatever it was that we were doing, that I was just like his ex who broke his heart. 

What he really meant to say was “I was attracted to you because you reminded me of her, but you did similar stuff she did to me that I didn’t like, but that’s why I was attracted to you, but you’re not her, wah wah wah.”

I later found out that “the ex” looked just like me: similar hair color, body build and even resemblance in our facial structures. Fishy.

Once upon another time, I dated another award winner who seemed to do the same thing as example number one. Somewhere along yellow brick road, I noticed his rolodex of women he dated, especially his ex he had a serious relationship with, all looked comparable and I fit right in.

People date look-a-likes all the time; sure, everyone has a “type” they prefer whether it’s tall, blond, brunette, athletic, etc. But some date people whose physical appearance is almost uncanny to an ex-partner.

Let’s look at Leonardo DiCaprio who dated this girl, this girl and now dates this girl. See my point? Not the point that I’m a jealous bitch, but my point that they all look-a-like.

Another notable person who dated look-a-likes is Johnny Carson who was married to a brunette woman named Joanne, and then later married a former model named Joanna. Then there's Chris Brown, you know, “look at me now,” who dated Princess RiRi and then this broad (tell me that isn’t Princess RiRi 2.0) and Hulk Hogan dated this lady who has a younger resemblance to his ex-wife (and uh, his daughter).

There has to be a reason example one and two date girls who look similar and it has nothing to do with having a “type;” the only thing I can conclude is what Dr. Bethany Marshall said in an ABC news segment called “Dating Doppelgangers: Men With a Specific Type.”

Marshall said people who date similar looks, may be trying to replace one woman with another and then another; however, doing this doesn’t allow you to grieve, separate, reform a new relationship, and attach to the woman you’re currently dating for who she is.

It makes perfect sense, at least it does in the theoretical la la land that is inside my brain where I have to find a reason for everything that happens in my life. 

I have a type I go for which entails certain qualities like artsy, smartsy types. While I may be attracted to dark haired, mysterious individuals, it doesn’t mean that’s all I date. Looking back, every guy I have dated looks nothing like the next because at the end of the day, the qualities I desire in a guy outweigh physical attributes.

So for whatever personal people do this – not just men, women do it too – I can only hope that I don’t ever have to add an example three to my blog.

Do you date look-a-likes? 
How to tell you're a booty call

I KNOW you KNOW what a booty call is, but just in case you've never heard the term, it's a “late night summons--often made via telephone--to arrange clandestine sexual liaisons on an ad hoc basis.” At least that's what Urban Dictionary says it is.

Look: I'm going to be frank, and by frank, I mean Jessica. There are too many times I hear friends talk about guys they're seeing and all I hear when they speak is "arranged clandestine sexual liaisons." No, I’m not talking about myself, er, shut up!

So if you think that guy you met at the gym is the cat's meow and you’re wondering why he hasn't introduced you to his mom, taken you to church with him or met up with you before 10 p.m., well, I hate to break this to you.

You're a booty call if:

1. You only see each other after dark, in dark rooms, closets, corners, alleys, etc. This is a given, but if you're just meeting up for a rendezvous, it's bad news bears Ms. New Booty.

2. You've never met his/her friends. There's a reason for this: people don't take you to a Bar Mitzvah and introduce you as their fuck-buddy. They take you places they'd want to be seen with you if they're seriously considering something more than Facebook chat with you. There’s also that whole, “I need my friends approval thing.”

3. The only texts you get involve dirty innuendo's asking what you're wearing, if you're horny or if you're free at 11 p.m.

4. You don't know anything personal about each other because the only kind of pillow talk you've been having is "say my name."

5. The only thing he's ever given you are condoms, and maybe some booze, but mostly condoms.

6. Your "hanging out" always leads to sex.

7. Your friends roll their eyes when you mention him.

8. The one time you do see his friends, one of them laughs or hits on you.

9. He's got girls all over him--or guys, whatever--texting him, Facebooking him, driving by his place, showing up in the middle of your rendezvous at midnight, dropping off baskets of muffins, you get the picture.

10. Don't even make me say this, but if you're having sex and he says he doesn't want anything serious...yeah, about that. Sorry. Cyber hug.

If all you want is a booty call, that's totally fine because sometimes you've got to get the poison out, otherwise just remember you can't turn a hook-up into something borrowed and something blue.

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It's New Year’s Day: did you pledge that you’ll use Listerine every day last night or what? Because it's 2012 and this is your year my pretty's. It's going to be so, so good. 

This year, please solemnly swear to:

Date people who are right for you. Enough of this "I'm in a shitty relationship shit." End it! It's 2012. Start the year right! Date the right guy/girl.

Floss your teeth every day. Seriously. Honestly. Come on. It's bad. Besides, your medical bills won't be favorable if you keep it up.

Only have good sex, and if the sex isn't good, speak up! Stop being miserable.

Take care of yourself: eat your veggies, eat your Wheaties, drink your water, and exercise every now and then. Stop sabotaging your body, because when you get to be Kirsty Alley's age, all those times you chased Miller High Life's with Taco Bell and Flaming Hot Cheetos will catch up to you and you will just be on crash diet after crash diet. Oh, and stop doing coke if you are, these aren't the 90's. 

Be nice to humans and stop hating on people you don't even know. That's playground activity.

Start listening to sexier music like this jam.

Get rid of bad friends. You know they're just going to flake on you anyway in 2012.

Save your money. You will thank yourself later!

Enjoy life because life is no good if you are all work and no play.

Happy New Year babies! Pass it on! 

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