Do you let your girlfriend/wife/mistress/fiance/old lady know too much? Do you have boundaries?

Red shirt guy says it's okay to tell his lady he wants to have sex with her friends, because it's brutal honesty and honestly, I think that brutal honesty is off putting. How many agree?

I would think that if a man tells a woman he wants to bang some of her friends, it would most likely cause problems; I'm sure the female would become hostile and who's to say what a hostile woman will do! Careful boys.

I personally don't care if a man notices an attractive woman because believe me, I notice attractive women and men, but I know not to drool on myself. To me, telling a woman what positions he wants to see her in isn't okay. Color me turned off.

Would you be okay if your girlfriend told you she wants to have sex with your best friend?

There should be boundaries. There should always be boundaries.

P.S. if you're in a serious relationship and so in love, and you're thinking about having sex with other women, men, whatever, maybe you should re-think your serious relationship.
turn offs, girl in bed
Photo by Glenda Garza

When you meet someone you click with, it’s like a flock of doves form a perfect heart in the sky. It’s like bells ring and you just want to do crazy things like shout from mountain tops. Well, don’t.

There are things that can ruin a perfectly good thing way before it even begins. TRUST ME. This is me, helping you: I want you to succeed, and quite frankly, I want to end this behavior.

How you will lose a girl in 10 days:

1. Sharing too much too soon: You just met, there’s no need to disclose how bad your day is or how much you hate your boss in the beginning. The last thing a girl wants is a big cry baby. Yes, we all have problems, but when you date someone new, things should be a little light and fun. Too much whining is a signal that you need a lot of consoling, and we're looking for a bf, not a child we have to mother.

2. Being clingy: Texting, calling, emailing, and Facebooking too much signals signs of neediness and codependency, two wrongs that don’t make a right. Just like men, women like the chase. If you’re in constant contact with us, there’s nothing there for us to guess about you. We want to wonder where you are. We want to wonder who you’re with. We like to wonder and if you're all up in our business, we can't do that. Things can burn out quickly if you’re talking too much in the beginning; take it slow. What’s the rush? Life isn’t THAT short.

3. Being negative: I don’t care if you have a constant rain cloud over your head, put up a front if you want to get a second or third date. You might be thinking that you should just get it all out there right away, but don’t. Like I said in #1, light n' fun. And hey, maybe all that positive thinking will help you out?

4. Talking about your ex: Ugh. It’s too soon to be talking about your ex or the ex before that. I didn’t ask and we weren’t talking about who we’ve dated. There’s no need to casually throw in “my ex had a Honda” or “my ex was a dancer.” A lot of people have Honda’s and a lot of people dance, not just your ex. Why ruin something new by talking about something old?

5. Over-sharing how much you like us too soon: It’s nice and flattering, but sometimes it can be a killer. Girls like to hear that we're pretty and cool and stuff, but smothering us with how MUCH you like us too soon is just…no. It’s infatuation, not love. Down boy!

6. Getting really, really drunk: #5 WILL happen and it will happen all over the place. It will happen in a doorway, on a couch and outside your car and when you finally realize why she isn't texting you back the next day, you will be embarrassed.

7. Begging: Never beg a girl to hang out. If she says she’s busy, she is (she IS). If she says she’s a lesbian, she isn’t (she’s a LIAR).

8. Admitting bad habits or information about yourself: Telling a girl you can’t save money, you eat with your hands or you have 10 speeding tickets is not so cute. Those are forgivable things once we get to know you and decide we want to throw you against a wall and have our way with you, but before that, there’s no chance.

I hope this helps. Don’t forget girls are just as bad, but there’s a movie about that already so this blog is totally justifiable.


She's a high school dropout. She smokes Swisher blunts. She wears oversized gold jewelry and her hair is platinum one minute and multicolored the next. She’s tatted. Sometimes she’s straight, sometimes she’s not. She leads the "white girl mob." She raps crazy lines like "I'm rolling up my catnip and shitting in your litter.” She went after Rick Ross. Rick Ross went after her. She's an editor and a bay area rapper. She's accused of exploiting black culture. She's 21. She’s 5’1. She’s from Oakland. She's white. Who is this girl?

Her name is Kreayshawn, she's a self-made woman and I really like her. No, I’m not saying that I’m in my room curling my hair with a half inch iron, wearing hoodies under vests, applying press-on nails and rapping about a cat (well…). I’m saying she made herself into something she’s not supposed to be by society's standard and succeeded. She defies the white-girl norm, she’s entertaining, she’s petite, she’s crass, she’s from the bay, so YEAH, I like her.

Self-making can fall under two categories: becoming a successful individual from scratch (however you measure that) whether you’re homeless, poor, illiterate—whatever—or, making yourself over to fit a class you want to be a part (ie: cholita falsa, a white girl goin’ gangsta).

An article by Nell Berstein called “Goin’ Gangsta, Choosin’ Cholita” follows teenagers in Oakland who make themselves over to fit the predominant classes in their neighborhoods that happen to be black and Mexican. Of course, the social groups are stereotypes: baggy jeans, listening to suggestive music (not that I knock that, see: Ludacris), speaking a certain way, and often partaking in activities that mom wouldn’t approve of. Of course, not everybody wants to act all Boyz n the Hood, but this article proves that who you want to be and who you can become can be easily accepted today.

You can argue that telling millions of people you “smoke a million Swisher blunts” and you “aint ever comin’ down” is vapid, but someone can also argue that emulating a certain group or ethnicity is acceptance of race and culture today.

Bene Viera of Clutch Magazine stated how ironic it is that the white girl mimicking black culture has been viewed as quirky, cute, and interesting in the past but not anymore.

"Sister’s who fashionably rock bamboo earrings, gold nameplate necklaces, and blonde streaked weaves, will inevitably be considered “ghetto” by society,” said Viera. “It’s equally problematic that every female emcee post Queen Latifah and MC Lyte who has had massive mainstream success all had to sell sex. Kreayshawn, on the other hand, is able to avoid an over sexualized image because of her whiteness.”

Okay, so maybe all you’re seeing is that she had an upper-hand because she is white and had she been a black girl rapping about catnip, she wouldn't be nearly as successful. However, she isn't black, she's white, and white female artists sell sex too, but she isn't and she's workin' it. She made an impression in a genre of music without having to get all Lil’ Kim by opening her legs asking how many licks it takes to get to the center of….I’ll stop.

Maybe you don't accept Kreayshawn for personal reasons, but she is self-made. Identity is no longer a matter of where you come from, who your family is, or what religion you are. You could be just like her, Swisher blunts and all, I won't judge. Your success is measured in how much effort you put into self-making. You could be the Oprah Winfrey of self-making or the Kreayshawn. They both did it on different levels.

Hate her songs, hate her look, but don't hate her work ethic. Ghetto she may be in your eyes, she’s a self-made woman in mine. Ya-Ya!



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