Thursday, September 22, 2011

Dating can suck, here's why:

lips, dating sucks

Dating can really suck. You have to put up with crappy/awkward/cringe-worthy situations to get a handful of good ones you really hit it off with. The worst part? You can’t get those five hours of your life back and telling yourself “well, at least I gave him/her a chance” doesn’t make it better.

Here's why dating can/does suck (sometimes/all the time):

1. It can be really awkward: Going on a date with someone completely new is like going on a job interview. "Favorite movies?" I loathe this question. I go into an immediate blank state of mind where I forget everything I’ve ever watched and actually taken interest in. This question makes me want to say something really lame like Legally Blonde when I don't even like that movie but I saw it once and it was on TV earlier that day and it's the only thing that came to mind and now I just look like a bimbo idiot who has no depth.

2. You have to pretend you're really interested even if you aren't into horse races and cigars because you still have to order dessert or you just got to the after-dinner destination (hopefully not your bedroom, seeing it’s so soon/see: awkward silences).

3. There are dumb games. You wait around for a call or text even if you don't really want to see them again but you just kind of want to know if they still want to date you. Jerk, but it’s TRUE! But then when they actually rape your phone with texts asking when you two can hang out again, you get all Sweet Valley High saying "Oh my God, this person won’t leave me alone!"

4. You have to deal with pretentious people. For some reason, people really want to look good on the first date-this still baffles me-so they go around flaunting their list of accolades like they’re waving an American Flag.

5. Everyone who is in a relationship and all in looove and stuff wants to hook you up with their sibling/cousin/niece/nephew. WHAT IS WITH THIS? We-I-don't want your brother. That is, unless he's on the fairly attractive to really attractive side, over 24 but under 28, has a degree of some sort or at least likes to use fancy words and likes Art? No? Okay.

6. Everything can be there but there’s one thing off like they're too short or too tall or they can’t find humor in your sick wit. You can have everything in common, but that one little thing is enough make you want the check.

7. You fall for him/her and it’s all great and then it’s not all great. And then you're all hurt for three days and then you're all Ya-Ya Sisterhood and then you're all I-need-a-man and then you're all "fuck it: I’m eatin’ this ice cream ‘cause aint no man gon’ make me feel like I can't!"

8. You compare all the duds to one good one who wasn't even that good because you two just had a “connection” (because we block out the shitty stuff). Stupid.

9. It's hard to believe a person in line at Starbucks is being genuine when he tries to get your number. You have to wonder if he's doing this every morning to every broad or if he actually sees something in you after standing behind you for 27 seconds discussing your affinity for dark roast. What? We have to weed out the rotten ones.

6 comments :

  1. Finally! Love your blog!

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  2. I just found your blog today. I love this post! So flipping true. Especially seven and eight... but that's just me :)

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  3. Sweet Valley High? I LOVE THE REFERENCE! :D

    I love your blog... Reading this was just great! I needed a laugh, thanks! :}

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  4. I love this! It is so true. I hate dating...period. I'm at the "give up" phase LOL

    If I give you kudos and link back here, can I use this post?

    Thanks!

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