2. When someone doesn't respond to a text: Is what I said stupid? Am I annoying? Did I do something? I thought the joke was funny, right? RIGHT?
3. When I hear this song: Hell. Yeah. (raises hands, bobs head). On to the next everything. On to the next drink, page, outfit, bad habit, job, wireless provider, channel, house, city, insurance company, everything.
4. When someone tells you and another person that you two should date. When you're standing next to each other. And you're just friends. And you're in public: Laughter, giggles and don't make eye contact. This is awkward. I don't know what to do. I can't agree. I can't say "yeah right" because that makes me look like an asshole, if my laughing didn't already. So how 'bout them (enter sports team here)?
5. When someone tells me something looks bad on me: Well, thanks for the straight honesty, mom, but I need at least 12 more opinions before I stop wearing red lipstick and dye my hair brown.
6. When I get told I'm getting a raise: What? Shut your mouth. I want to hug you and kiss (not really, but kind of) you all while slapping you for waiting so long to do this. I am going to buy myself something really, really nice. Like next month's car insurance and maybe some fro yo, but this time fill it up all the way to the top and get extra animal cookies because I can afford to now. Oh yeah.
7. When a person gives weird hugs: Why is this always so awkward? Everything is normal when we hang out, but this person, who obviously hates hugs, insists on hugging every time we part ways. I don't want to do this anymore. Maybe we should just Skype?
8. When I get hit on by someone considerably older: Hmm. Eyebrow raise.Thanks, but you're older, much, much older. But you're pretty good looking for your age. I wonder what it would be like if I was one of those girls who dated an older man? Would people think I am a gold digger? Kids? No. I would look like the hired home-wrecking help.
9. When someone hits on me that is considerably younger: Awww, thank you (smile emoticon in my head). If you were older, maybe (but probably not). You are cute for your age. More mature than the other 17-year-olds, but you still have a curfew and a provisional license. I wonder how those teachers who end up on the news get away with it for so long?
10. When I see someone eating all alone (even if they want to be alone): That is just so sad. Maybe I should go sit next to her. Maybe I could be one of those totally progressive girls you read about in Sweet Valley High books who always rooted for the underdog. I bet that person just needs a friend. Oh, I finished my sandwich. Well, maybe next time.
11. When a song comes on by a band or group that is totally bad but I know all the words: Shoot, I haven't heard “wannabe” by the Spice Girls in so long! Dang, I used to love this song. Wow, I still know every word! EVERY. WORD. Oh my, I love this part. I am so downloading this when I get home. Cut to two weeks later of being obsessed with previously mentioned song.