Wednesday, August 24, 2011

How to have a friend with benefits



So you think you can have sex with your best friend, or that girl/guy who you just “joke” with? Hah. Get real. There are steps to this and only a select few qualify, see if you do:

1. It has to be with a person that meets the “unhealthy” relationship quota: a) emotionally uninvolved; b) just got out of a serious relationship and wants to avoid any “I love you’s;” c) someone who is very busy/traveling/career oriented and/or has no regard for settling down with someone.

2. There has to be a standard set. Obviously if you take this person on a date, you're sending mixed signals. But if you meet this person after 1 a.m. in a bar, and you’re both piss drunk, you obviously know it’s called getting-down-with-your-bad-selves.

3. You need to make sure you or the other party isn't a bunny-boiling jealous freak. It’s hard to tell, especially when it’s a stranger, but you will pick up hints. Basically, they say they are totally casual, but really, they want you all to their selves and think sex is the way to lock you down and toss the key. They will do anything in their power to get you. Aka, boil your kids rabbit (or yours, if you have one) or stalk every person of the opposite sex you talk to on some social network. Scary huh?

4. You have to state what it is: having sex with no attachments. Because admit it, you don’t want a relationship and definitely not with that person, otherwise you would be in a relationship with them, right? The number one mistake is people are not clear with what they want when they have sex/date/gaze into the eyes of someone drunkenly.

5. Do not cross boundaries. It's risky being too comfortable with someone you're sleeping with but don't want a relationship with. If you don't want a relationship with this person, sending flowers/holding hands/being there when they need a hug may be confusing. Sex + an emotional connection could lead to having real live, crush-like feelings for someone who really just wants hit it and quit it. Just saying. Keep it light.

6. Of course, there’s going to be complications. It usually ends up with one person having a crush on the other while the feelings aren’t reciprocated. Bummer. But, we are human. It's easy to say you can do this, but at the end of the day, each and every one of us is programmed to love in whatever way you do. #factsoflife

7. For the love of whatever god you believe in, play it safe. Use a condom. You aren’t monogamous; therefore, you’re probably having sex with half of your home town.

8. Have respect for yourself; never get involved or continue something you can’t look back on fondly. It’s no fun having negative memories after driving past something or hearing a song that reminds you of “that guy or girl.” If this type of relationship doesn’t work for you, get the F out of it. Don’t wade in the water. But if it does work for you: #7 #7 #7!

9 comments :

  1. Your post is very informative! I think it's very important to have a talk beforehand to make sure both parties are on the same page. I think with a friends with benefits, you can never assume the other person knows what you're looking for. But even with the best communication, sometimes things go bad. It's the nature of the beast, I suppose.

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  2. OOh the story of my life. There have to be rules, a talk about what "this" is. The worst thing either person can do is send mixed signals.

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  3. My current FWB and I break some of these rules, but that's just because it's been almost two years now. Somehow it works!

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  4. Very interesting points. Thanks!

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  5. Jessica--

    I agree with many of your points, but where is the "friend" part in this? This reads like a great way to choose a one-night stand, but when I have FwBs I like to actually have a friendly relationship with the person.

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  6. I have to agree with Julie. Friends with benefits implies being "Friends" afterall, thus spending time together and asking about each others lives, families etc.

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  7. It's like my friend John Mayer says, friends, lovers or nothing. I think almost any and every friends with benefits scenario ends poorly with someone severely hurt eventually. I enjoyed the post and you make valid arguments, I just think it's hard or two people to really not give a damn for a sustained period of time and still have themselves recognized as human, lol. Great post!

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  8. I don't have any personal experience when it comes to friends with benefits so I hope you don't mind me posting on here; and obviously as I have no experience of this I could be talking a load of rubbish!
    I agree that it should be with someone that you would not be able to have a healthy relationship with but also not too unheathly, ie jealous, controling and/or worst.
    I do however think that there should be some sort of emotional connection with the person in the fact that you should matter to them as a person more than sex; for example if you were really, really drunk would they walk you home but say that they won't sleep with you because you are so drunk they can't be sure that you are making the right choice for you at that moment and they don't want to take advantage of you, or would they see you are really drunk and that you may regret/not remember the night before because you are so drunk and sleep with you anyway because its just sex?

    This however is just my personal view on friends with benefits (also one night stands ie don't take advantage of someone who is drunk) but as I have no experience I could just be being really naive on the who thing -Aaron

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