You're probably dating a bitch if

You're with your friends and you say "hey is it cool if ________ comes over?" and all your friends suddenly make up an excuse to leave or there is a unanimous sigh. It’s probably because your girlfriend is a bitch.

And, you're probably dating a bitch if:

1. She makes fun of you in a non-cute, non-joking way. Direct jabs are unattractive, especially if she can’t reciprocate the same dishing.

2. You take her out to dinner and she doesn't eat and/or asks if you really want to order what you ordered and/or only orders chicken broth and vegetables. No one likes a bitch, and a starving, skinny bitch is worse.

3. She talks crap on her friends and/or your friends and/or the guy ringing up her groceries. I mean, every now and then, people need to vent, but when a toddler looks at her wrong and she gets all Lisa Left Eye Lopez on it, it's not so chill, dude.

4. She never offers to pay, unless she's buying something for herself, in which she doesn't ask if you'd like something. Rude.

5. She sits in the car or stands at doors because she thinks she is part of the royal family and should be waited on like the un-princess she is. Yeah, you should open doors for ladies for the first 19 dates, rough estimate, but after that, every now and then, it's cool if it slips. Let her sit in the car.

6. She always changes the song you choose. What a bitch.

7. She is checking herself out in the back of your iPod, a tinted truck window or her knife at dinner. She's so vain, and she probably thinks your iPhone is a mirror.

8. Instead of receiving text's asking your how your day is, it's her bitching about her work day or how some jerk parked in her spot. This will never stop. She's a bitch.

9. She starts stories with "when I was homecoming queen in high school..."

10. She has pictures of just herself in her room or around her home. If you walk in her house and there are glamour shots of her framed hanging over the fireplace or she has oil paintings of herself on a fur rug in the hallway, get the F out of there. She loves herself way too much.

11. When you mention your mom’s name or your best friends name and she says "who's that?" It's because every time you have ever talked about them, she's counting calories in her head. She's a bitch.

12. Whenever you mention a girl, she asks: "Is she hot? Did you date her? Do you want to date her?" But it’s perfectly okay if she hangs out with guys. Nine of them. And three are her exes.

13. She’s a cadaver in the bedroom. She gets hers and then she checks her blackberry. Either get used to it, or get rid of it.

14. She doesn't smile, ever. Not even at kittens or children. She's a coldhearted bitch.

15. She un-tags herself in any picture she is tagged in on any social network and only uploads pictures she looks good in. Even if it's detrimental to someone else’s reputation and possibly cause them to lose a job or a husband. Be weary. She’s a bitch.


  1. Love your are hilarious

  2. Great points! hilarious but true

  3. Hmmmm, I think I know a chick that meets more than 90% of everything on this list...that's it, I'm so gonna go outside and whip her punk ass!

  4. haha. so good. and true! :-)

  5. Lol you untag yourself from pics!Good stuff anytime one of these items comes up I'm gonna say my sister warned me about bitches like you!




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