Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Never trust a guy who...

Never trust a guy who

Ladies, trust me when I say the following, don't trust guys like this. And if you do, never say I didn't warn you:

Never trust a guy who is watching you from across a bar and licking his lips, wearing white overalls and a tie. Nothing good can come of this other than fake gold Rolex’s for the rest of your life. Unless you like your wrist turning green, do not make eye contact.

Never trust a guy with bad communication skills. See example:

"Hi, how are you?"

“Great.”

"......"

(this is the part where you reciprocate, you idiot)

There are proper ways to have conversations with people whether it's in person, through text, phone calls or effing messages in a bottle; unless you want to date a concrete wall, run as fast as you can.

Never trust a guy who can't talk about issues. No one likes a guy who can't fess up to his own shitty faults. His own mother doesn't even like him.

Never trust a guy who high fives with both hands after every shot. Unless you want to high five after every homerun, job well done and orgasm, don't give him your phone number.

Never trust a guy who can't understand words you use. Move along. You will be happier in the long-run.

Never trust a guy who won't venture; aka, stays close to home; aka, momma's boy; aka, she has him on one of those Disney tracking device cell phone plans to keep tabs on him 24/7.

Never trust a guy who hits on anything with a vagina regardless of age, interests or whether or not she has a pulse because believe me, one of those nights he hooked up with one and it may or may not of had a vagina and/or an STD. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

Never trust a guy who talks about his ex a lot. No one gives a shit about her besides you so why don't you go to talk to her about her.

Never trust a guy (stranger) who strikes up conversation with you while basically sitting on your lap and then proceeds to stand so close to you (after you walk away and he finds you) that he is practically a handbag. It's not a good look for anyone and he is probably standing that close because he is hiding from the cops.

Never trust a guy who is still riding on the accomplishments of his younger days. If he hasn't grown up years after, he probably won't any time soon. You don't have time to waste. Get out of there.

Never trust a guy who answers his phone with "Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude,” every time. It gets old.

Never trust a guy who only knows where the nearest drive-thru is. He will never take you on a proper date. You deserve better than Taco Bell.

P.S. I don't JUST rag on men (see these posts); but what do you expect from a heterosexual female?

8 comments :

  1. So TRUE!!! I wish I would have seen this a few years back. It would have saved me a lot of trouble.

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  2. Your post made me chuckle. The scary thing is its true and a alot of girls fall for it.
    x

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  3. SOOOO true! Wish I would've read this about 6 months ago though!! Haha. Love your blog -now a follower! :)

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  4. You are an equal opportunity ragger! That is, you call 'em like you see 'em.

    Keep it up!

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  5. hahaha that was quite entertaining (and true) Thanks for sharing ;)

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