Thursday, March 10, 2011

Never trust a girl who...

Never trust a girl who

Since our society is full of double standards and I'm a woman, I'm allowed to say this: women are crazy, manipulative and weird.

I have front row tickets to the crazy show 365 days a year. I see the nutty things my kind does all the time and shit, sometimes I’m embarrassed. So here it is and I apologize if this hits too close to home for some.

Never trust a girl who:

Can’t hang with casual sex; if you don’t like her enough to bring her home to mom and dad or want to commit to her at some point, beware of having casual sex with her. She might sucker you into something you don’t want to get into. It might start off great, but you may end up in a world of hurt, or at least a world of a pain-in-the-ass girlfriend who thinks you two are peanut butter and jelly, but you think you're peanut butter and toothpaste.

Never trust a girl who said she was once on an episode of Maury with her ex. Just don’t.

Discloses her relationship status to you; she probably let you hit on her full throttle; buy her three drinks, rub her shoulders, offer to fly her and her friends to Miami for spring break and then she drops the bomb: she’s basically engaged. What a bitch. And she even put her hand on your leg. Tsk, tsk.

Posts innocuous and passive aggressive status updates on Facebook or Twitter to get your attention but really doesn’t want you to notice, but really does because you haven’t talked to her in a long time or are ignoring her and totally misses you, but won’t directly say it. She's got it bad.

Set’s you up to test your fidelity: You’re out with friends and suddenly a girl that’s Sofia Vergara hot starts hitting on you. Cut to five minutes later, she’s feeling your biceps and basically pudding in your hands. No, this isn't real life. She was hired. Your girls' got mad trust issues.

Posts that she’s “in a relationship” on Facebook but she’s not; okay, sometimes I want to tell people I’m a lesbian, asexual, married, engaged, in a relationship or dying in three weeks so I don't have time for dinner just to ward off unwanted attention, but I wouldn’t lie on Facebook about my personal life (at least I don’t think I would, I can’t rule it out I guess, I might hit rock bottom one day). Unless you’re in a witness protection program, there’s no need to do this. If she’s lying about that, are you sure that's her real name and age? Beware that she’s insecure as well. So what if you’re single, be confident.

After telling her your future desire to write a screenplay, move to Europe, buy a loft, settle down and get a dog, she quickly says that’s exactly what she wants to do as well with extreme enthusiasm. She’s got two things on her mind: marriage and her fatal obsession with you.

She cries when you try to break up with her or bring up some questionable behavior telling you things like she can't live without you and she will change. Don’t give in, be empathetic, but this will continue if you give in. If you want to break up with someone because you know it’s not working, don’t let the waterworks make you feel bad enough to stick it out.

You find pictures of yourself printed from your Facebook in her purse. This is weird even if you are in a relationship (unless you know about it, I guess).

So she might be hot, but if you’re asking if she’s nuts, of course she is. I told you so.

11 comments :

  1. Sneak attack girlfriends are the worst ... when will boys learn. They'll tell me "she just wants something casual" but I see that hunger for his and hers towels in her eyes. He finds out too late when he's peeing in a pink bathroom.

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  2. Betches be crazy! What can I say, women are complicated. I'm guilty of doing some crazy things, but nothing as crazy as in your list.

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  3. I've dated these girls. Too many times for me to admit..

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  4. Dude, yeah. I talk about this stuff all the time. It's horrible. I think that if you're more involved in the games than the relationship, you've got issues.

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  5. Yep, first one happened to me this summer. Ladies, if you're doing the friends with benefits thing don't suddenly drop the L-Bomb!

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  6. Great post, it spoke right to me. My last girlfriend, "I just want to make you happy, we can make this work! Let me in!". (eye roll) Oh boy, was that hard to break off.

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  7. hit too close to home.

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  8. haha dead on...just read through one of your posts and im hooked =)

    -Fae

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  9. you crack me up kid.

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  10. Yeah, guilty as charged....

    What can I say, I'm a little bit psychotic!!! :P

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