What happens to single people on Valentines Day?

What happens to single people on Valentine’s Day? Uh, you carry on with the day? I kind of forgot about it until some guy followed me around earlier selling me his and her sweetheart dog tags. No thank you, sir.

I guess you know it’s Valentine’s Day when couples are placing their pet names for each other on 24 karat gold.

So when you’re single, and it’s February 14, you know what that means?
1. It means you’re like, way more single than you are on like, February 13 or February 15. Like, way more.

2. It means you need to get all your closest girlfriends together—or guys—and get drunk while yelling things like “yeah, fuck Valentine’s Day, fuck love, fuck together-ness and flowers and shit. I don’t like those things anyway (see: pity party and things you really care about but won't admit).”

3. It means when you’re not really dating, someone but kind of dating someone, you have to answer that awkward "what do I do?" question. Do you get a gift or take the person out? But then you might look clingy and obsessed because you aren’t really together. Do you risk looking like a jerk and just ignore February 14 because you're only sort of official?

4. It means love is shoved in your face all week on TNT, TBS, ABC Family, HBO, Showtime, Lifetime, you name it. You either sit there wishing you had John Cusack or you wonder why your current boyfriend isn’t more like him.

5. You can eat all the candy you want because who do you really have to look good for anyway?

6. Every magazine reads "Valentine’s Day survival guide" on their January covers because no one cares about your depression any other day or the fact you want to hurl yourself off a building due to loneliness.

7. You don’t lose 30 minutes of your life standing in Hallmark trying to find something that means you care about a person more on this day than other day.

8. You more money since you’re probably still in debt over Christmas and New Year’s.

Valentine's Day shouldn't be taken so seriously. It's lighthearted and kind of funny.

You can’t take any holiday—dare I call it that—seriously that involves buying your boyfriend silk boxers with emoticon hearts all over them.

I mean, I guess if you're dying for something or someone, you can always crash a second grade classroom. At least you're guaranteed 13 boys telling you you're pretty with holographic Transformers cards there--which are much cooler now than when I was in elementary school--and lots of cookies.


  1. I hate how amplified it is... it's fun to get funny cards and whatever but im not stressing like i did when i was 16

  2. I wish adults would give valentines too... They make These great Harry Potter ones I really would liek to recieve.

  3. I got an X-Men valentines day card from a girl last year. It was awesome.

  4. Haha, I love the idea of crashing a second grade party! I'll start decorating my paper bag tonight :)

  5. haha great post! funny thing is my boyfriend of four years "doesn't believe in valentines day" or so he says and so my day goes a lot like your post kinda depressing but no big deal. also i LOVE the picture in this post! i need valentine cards like that badly!

  6. by the way what a great blog! i love that youre funny and interesting and intelligent. so rare.

  7. You almost make being single sound like more fun! haha

  8. I loved getting the "cool" holographic valentines from boys in grade school.. those were golden days.




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