Dear sidewalk bikers,

Okay, I get it. You're way too scared to ride your totally awesome bike in the street.

I understand why you prefer the sidewalk. I mean, its uneven pavement and occasional shrubs and bus benches are way better than the designated, paved, biker lane allotted to you in the street with other fast moving vehicles like yourself.

I understand you don't want to get sewer water on your awesome mountain bike, but do me a favor: try not to look so scared when I turn around in shock after your tire hits the back of my knee when it’s dark out and I’m alone.

You have no right to look scared. I am the innocent bystander walking, minding my own business, and trying to get to my destination hoping Michael Meyers isn't following me there.

So yeah, when I turn around suddenly because I feel like there is a "presence" creeping behind me, I am going to jump, want to stab you with my keys I keep in between each finger in case Michael Meyers follows me home or punch you in the neck.

No, I can't hear you ring your little bell on your little beach cruiser.

I am wearing headphones and I know you can see my headphones because they are the kind that are oversized and for serious music listeners who are partially deaf due to overexposure of heavy metal in their early teens.

No, I can't see you approaching me at 15 miles an hour on your fixed gear bike you just bought and don’t even know how to ride. I don't have mirrors built in.

You have no right to do that quiet, slow bike walk thing (walk while standing over bike seat), you timid sidewalk bikers do right behind me until I move out of the way.

Fuck you and your bike. Get in the street where you belong.

Not sincerely yours and no best wishes.


  1. they dont belong in the street either. that is a whole 'nother blog. i think bikes should be illegal. even the stationary ones.

  2. You are hilarious! I hate them when they're in the road and they don't decide to operate like a vehicle, but as a pseudo-pedestrian.

  3. Sidewalk bikers are one of my biggest pet peeves. A guy yesterday creeped up on me on his MOTORIZED bike. On the sidewalk. That is definitely illegal!

  4. thanks for this tips

  5. Ha, this sounds like it was written by my 70 year ok'd grandma

  6. haha oooooh lordy, i'm actually one of those darn people who do ride on the sidewalk bc i'm too afraid to ride on the street. but, i do have to say, i was also one of you who hated those riders as a pedestrian. =) love this post.




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