Reasons you're unapproachable

A while ago I wrote a post on Rich Santos’ article about why women are unapproachable to many men. I’m following this up because I need to reiterate this to all you fine young thangs.

Recently, while out with some friends at a bar, I noticed this girl a few seats over who was sitting with a group of guys.

Girl, we'll call her exhibit A, was perfectly poised, appropriately dressed (wasn't spilling out of her clothing), her makeup wasn't overdone, she didn't have a weird tan that looked like it would rub off on walls, and although she was sitting at the bar with one person and the others were all behind her, she had her chair turned completely around and was facing the rest of the group.

My first thought was "who is this girl, Adriana Lima? And why are all these men doting after her?" Then I paid closer attention to her actions and noticed how approachable she was by the way she was sitting, listening, talking and even drinking her beer, that I practically wanted to hit on her!

She was fully engaged in the group; she was laid back, comfortable in her environment, smiling, garrulous, using hand gestures as she spoke, and the way she held herself was alluring (arms weren’t cross, no smug and disgusted looks on her face, not hunched over, etc).
I have no clue what they were talking about but those guys were practically taking notes as if she were telling them how to build an atom bomb. The girl could make a discussion about the weather seem intriguing.

This girl, exhibit A, is the creme de la creme of how to be a lady in public. Granted, she was with guys, but if she was alone or with a few girlfriends and I were a dude, I would totally approach her, even if it was just to ask the time. Her vibrancy even attracted me from across a bar.

It’s so easy to forget you’re in public; sometimes I’m sure people think I’m a member of some extremist group when I’m out wearing a beanie, hood, sunglasses and headphones--this goes against everything I stand for. When I look like this and am so engulfed in my daily agenda, where I’m going and what I’m working on, I’m not even aware I'm scaring off potentials or causing people to fear their lives because I may be hiding something.

It’s also easy to forget to smile, make eye contact and be engaged in your surroundings (aka get off your damn Facebook when you’re out with your friends jerks! Stay home if you just want to creep on people).
So this is just a simple reminder to be fully engaged wherever you are. Think like exhibit A and you might see an exhibit B.


  1. Excellent points. Body language really says a lot, and we often don't realize how loud our bodies are yelling and what they're telling other people!

  2. girls who smile are amazing. smiling is unheard of these days

  3. Good advice. It's always good to be fully engaged, wherever you are. Few things annoy me more when I'm with friends or whoever and people can't stop texting, surfing the net, etc.

    And body language is important. That plus tone of voice say much more to others than what we're actually speaking.

  4. Non-verbal communication precedes conversation so you are on point.

  5. Not sure how I came across this blog, but just spent a half hour reading past posts. Love your writing, love your style, love to find a girl like you. --inLA

  6. Hey Jessica,
    I totally love your blog, so I've tagged you for Duck-Duck-Goose. See what I mean on my blog post right here: Duck-Duck-Goose

    Hope you participate. :)

  7. "those guys were practically taking notes as if she were telling them how to build an atom bomb" haha... Since we ALL are so interested in building one...

    anyway... I totally agree with what you said. Guys (me) are more likely to approach someone who's approachable. (weird how that works...)

  8. Good advice! I have to be honest though, sometimes I don't want to be approachable. Maybe it's an nyc thing, but a lot of the guys who've approached me here (like on the street, during the day) give off major creeper vibes.

    But I never Fbook while talking with friends, because that's just plain rude...

  9. found your site on today and really liked it.. i bookmarked it and will be back to check it out some more later




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