A love letter to Kanye West

Dear Kanye West,

I've been listening to you lot lately, and by a lot, I mean yesterday. I never thought I’d be writing this about you because I admit that I became jaded by comments from the greater good of the world about your talent and character which indubitably stripped any positive traits from your talent and character, but beside that, your song Runaway had me at first listen.

I may be at my whitest while singing, er uh, rapping, this song, but I can’t stop. Of course, the music video I directed in my head involves every—as you put it—douchebag and asshole I've dealt with together in a choir singing to me while toasting themselves for being such jerk-offs and scumbags. A couple of them, I won’t say who, are wearing tutus as well.

It’s like you’ve had some euphoric, hip hop resurrection and the gods of Def Jam have spoken to you with guiding light. You lost yourself for a hot second there; you were a self-absorbed, jerky, masochistic moron who loved to hear himself talk and cause a scene, but you’ve been revived.

This song makes up for everything. I don't care what you’ve done and what you’re going to do ten minutes from now; you can do whatever you want. You can interrupt the speech for whoever wins best actress at The Academy Awards in February and talk about why Beyonce should have won--even if she isn’t nominated--and then you can show up to Prince Williams's wedding drunk off your ass with a bottle of Hennessy in your hand only before objecting that it is you who should marry Kate Middleton. As long as you apologize by singing a song about how you're a douchebag while ballerinas dance around you, it will be totally and artistically acceptable.

I have never known another self-proclaimed savior of hip hop who can make such a mockery of himself in such a beautiful way and make me, dare I say it, appreciate him for it.

I try so hard to despise you but it doesn't work. You're, as you put it, a motherfuckin’ monster and you know it. Therefore, I give up on the war on hate against Kanye West. I don’t have to love you, but I'll put up with you.

Yours truly,


  1. Is it appropriate with this post for me to feel sarcasm? I felt it though.

    I mean.. this one's great.

  2. I think sadly the day has come I've lost confidence in you Jessica. I don't think he can ever be forgiven for what he's done. Woods? C'mon.

  3. hyrum, that hurt. i don't like what he did to woods... but the rest of it is good. i caved. sue me.

  4. I, on the other hand, agree with Miss Druck. Kanye's new album is absolutely amazing.
    After the whole Taylor Swift debacle, I was as annoyed with Kanye as the rest of the world. But after the premiere performance of "Runaway," I had to forgive him.
    Like it or not- Kanye's BACK and killin' it

  5. I agree. Writing a song totally makes up for everything he did. It's just like when a notorious gang member on death row writes a children's book about how crime is bad. It makes up for everything he did before.

  6. yeah... you're right. this song is good. I kind of feel the same way. it's hard to not like it.

  7. Great post, you beat me to the punch, I was already planning my letter to Kayne. Guess I'll go write to girl talk instead

  8. So THAT'S how he gets away with it. Do you think he makes the song, and then acts like a douchebag; or does he act like a douchebag and then "DAYUM, I need to make a hot song to make up for that one"?




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