Photo by Etiam Vita
1. You get the “single for life” syndrome: you've been broken up with your ex for a month and because no one perfect has come along, you start muttering that you will die alone in a cold, poorly lit room with cheap carpet and your body won’t be discovered for weeks.
2. You develop weird inexcusable crushes on people who aren't even good looking like Kathy Lee Gifford and that guy who hosts Survivor.
3. You find that your TiVo has way too many Lifetime movies recorded on it or there are way too many Man vs. Food episodes. Just as long as you don’t start emulating the guy on the Food Network with the flame shirts and bleached hair, you're sort of okay.
4. You think a guy is checking you out until you realize he's looking at his girlfriend, right behind you. Cut to five minutes later, you're crying in the bathroom because you thought he might have been the one.
5. You begin to get too curious about dating sites, too curious to the point where you join one “accidentally.”
6. You start dating people that aren't anything great just because there is no one else. Shame, shame you jerks! Instead of going for an ex or someone you're not that into, try meeting new people, but not on eHarmony.If you're in your 20's and using dating sights, you need to get out more, get a library card, get something.
7. You start staying home as opposed to going out all the time. This is when you really may end up being single forever because this is when you catch up on all those Lifetime movies you TiVo'd.
8. You become a slut or a man whore. Being single is great, but embracing it like it's Cher's comeback tour (as if she were never coming back again) all the time will leave you asking yourself: who is Tony and why does it say “thank you for the good time” on my hand?
9. You start to compare yourself to everyone by saying “if he can get a girlfriend, why can't I? You get envious and it eventually makes you feel like shit. Just stop.
10. You tell yourself that there's NO ONE out there. Yeah, like, totally. Because like, everyone, like, totally sucks. Everyone is a cheater, a liar, a slut, a star trekkie, whatever.
It's easy to be a victim of this list, so while you're sitting at the kiddie table because you had no "plus one" at a wedding, just be glad you aren't making shrines to Kathy Lee Gifford.