Why you should never settle in a relationship
Johnny Depp, courtesy of 1995

Dear everyone,

Have you met Adam? He is a 27-year-old guy who knows what's up. Adam, who is featured on The Man's Guide to Love, has sound advice for all of you single lonely people out there who just don't know what to do with yourselves.

"Do not settle," says Adam. "Ever."

Adam is right. In fact, where can I hunt this guy down? I think our brains would collide well in holy matrimony.

I know some of you are reading this saying to yourself: "I don't settle, I know what I'm doing when it comes to dating, some relationships just don’t work out." True, sometimes.

Shut up. You don't know what you're doing, hence your encyclopedia of crazy ex's and unsatisfying relationships (this has nothing to do with the relationships that were satisfying and meant something, only the ones you literally settle for).

Countless times your Aunt has told you that will die alone in the dark and the only thing that will find your body is your cat who you named after your favorite golden girl.
Countless times you have told yourself you didn't like that guy or girl, but because they were persistent, you gave in and put up with them for six or seven months until shit hit the fan.

Countless times you have dated someone on physical appearance hoping they would one day get an IQ and be able to decipher between left and right, which never happened.
Countless times you have gotten bored so you started dating an ex, or someone you know you should remain friends with.

Do any of those four statements sound like a reputable reason to be serious with someone?

If you answer yes, get your head out of your ass. With given history X, you will never find anyone who satisfies you fully. Maybe temporarily in the sheets, but that can only last so long.
You have a problem (it’s okay, we’ve all been there) and this letter is about your problem with yourself.

Take into consideration what you like to do for fun, what your interests are, who you’re attracted to and so on.

Now, take into part that last person you dated. Yes, her ass was beyond perfect, she was the definitive trophy, but every time she opened her mouth, she annoyed the hell out of you and couldn’t tell you anything about your favorite music or books, nor did she care.

Then there was that guy you dated for a while; he was so sweet by opening doors, calling you beautiful and liking your friends, but he was immature and had a tendency to push your buttons.

So why put yourself through unsettling relationships?

If you’re going to “hook up,” whatever, do it. Just don’t turn “hooking up” into a relationship when you know it’s nothing more than hooking up to you; that’s no way to start a relationship with someone. It doesn’t matter if he or she keeps dropping the “so, what are we?” card. End it before the person goes Glenn Close on you.

You're hurting yourself in the end anyway. You'll feel like an asshole for breaking that person's heart when you know you should have remained friends (unless you're a merciless heart breaker, then please, continue your amazing journey in life you animal).

You will also miss out on life and possibly the person who could, dare I say it, complete you.

So listen to Adam and don’t settle, ever.



  1. I agree with a lot of what you are saying here, but in some aspect I'm not sure settleing is the correct word. People like to be comfortable. So they resort to what is comfortable for them. I guess you can say that's settleing since they are never going to open up and potentially let something AMAZING into their lives, because they are "Comfortable" where they are at.

    Good post for a Friday!

  2. yeah...i settled with a guy that i didn't really like but he kept bugging me to go out with him...calling me and texting me. I wasn't really into him but I finally gave in to give him a chance. We ended up dating, but after we broke up, i realized i still never liked him enough. He never really sparked me other than sexually...i think it was more like hooking up than emotional for me. I feel like a bitch now, but i learned.


    I have had great luck with men because I've refused to settle. And, in regards to what Ryan said, "not settling" doesn't mean "not taking chances". It means that, after learning about the other person and considering their faults and strengths, you call a spade a spade and get the hell out if the dude is a loser.

  4. Find out what you want in someone that's REALLY important. And hold to those. Even if to the world it may look like you're settling. USE YOUR HEAD. Don't act like you have no control of who you like and don't like, and what you do after that point.

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