Thursday, September 23, 2010

A love letter

A love letter
Photo by Rolling Stone Magazine

Dear guy who loves himself,

You were like a Monet. I totally dug you from afar. Women have this problem when we see an attractive man: we enter a realm of fantasy hoping you will become a wild depiction we foreshadow in our head. It’s a terrible habit and always to no avail.

To me, you were the nerdy type. You liked reading and probably listened to all these underground indie bands that were so good yet undiscovered. You were motivated, caring and witty in the most intelligent way possible. You were an outdoors-ey man and maybe part of some Big Brother organization. You weren’t over 30 but not under 25. Perfect. Oh, to dream.

Unfortunately, the second we got past "hello," I was bored.

Your glasses were fake--I blame the trendy youth of America shopping at places like Urban Outfitters—and your claim of being a music enthusiast was lost after the mention of Linkin Park and Justin Bieber.

The only motivation you had was getting women into bed and renewing your gym membership and you were caring all right; you cared a lot about yourself. As for your intelligent wit? Right. My jokes went over your head.

I didn't care about your expensive automobile you felt that you had to picture text me. Who does that? Even Batman is discreet about his fancy wheels. Get real dude, I was not impressed.

I didn't care about your career that was less a career and more a pickup line.

I totally Facebook stalked you after you told me to add you on Facebook (which I never did) and I was totally turned off by your incessant status updates and goofy self-portrait Macbook photos. Go outside, read a book...do something.

I blame myself in this situation more than I blame you for defacing the moral of man for women everywhere because I allowed you the privilege of my phone number.

When I told you "I will let you know when I have free time,” it wasn’t an invitation to keep bothering me with text messages when I didn't alert you of my free time.

Look, there's someone for everyone. I am sure you will find your Robin that can under shadow you Bruce Wayne. Keep on keeping on business exec.

Yours truly,
but not really.

7 comments :

  1. damn. sounds like a catch.

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  2. Ugh. I hate men like that. They are such douche bags. I once dated a doctor who was really really hot and rich. It was like he thought the world revolved around him. It kind of made me puke in my mouth. But after the delicious and expensive dinner, of course.

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  3. Hysterical...not at your expense, but true we women create an outstanding man in our head from his looks...then he opens his mouth and it's downhill from there.

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  4. and now, you'd much rather have a Monet.

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  5. Oh I remember the boys like those. And I say boys because that's what they really are.

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  6. Gah, there are just so many guys like that! All egotistical dickheads.

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