Monday, August 23, 2010

In-flight entertainment

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Commercial aviation promotion for Pacific Southwest Airlines

What’s not to love about air travel? It’s so exciting to be a part of especially after the recent bout JetBlue is dealing with--an unruly flight attendant quit over the intercom system before escaping through the emergency exit with a beer (thumbs up to that)—so it should be no surprise that I was a little saddened to see a decrease in "unruly passengers" this year on the Federal Aviation Administration’s website.

In 2004, it was reported that there were 304 unruly passengers in the US, while for this year there are only 23 reported as of June 3, 2010 (we still have a few months left people, I have faith).

Regardless of a decrease in unruly-ness, the behavior that usually doesn't consummate a violation of federal law is infinitely just as good, if not better, because it indeed gets by as normal behavior. Of course, that’s subject to opinion.

From waiting in the terminal to actual air travel, I begin with the guy who's waiting in line to check his bags with at least 12 large suitcases (one questionably looks like a body bag). Not only is this moron alone, he’s holding up the line as he can only move four bags at a time while grunting as if it’s a piano he’s dragging.

Then there’s the guy who can't get through security. Apparently he’s so used to traveling by horse and carriage that he’s unaware shoes, hats, belts, jackets, wallets, keys, beards and eyebrows have to be removed before walking through the metal detector that continuously beeps as he walks back forth removing a new item each time. Finally, one the security guards take him aside before scanning him with their special wand only to find he doesn’t beep once. Of course not.

You finally get through security and sit in the terminal conveniently next to another winner. Some guy is sleeping--not to mention sitting up--with his laptop open, a half-eaten hamburger in his hand and basically his social security number written on his forehead.

The fun doesn’t stop there because once you board the plane, the party starts.

After sitting down, in walks--stumbles--the drunk couple who hit the overly priced mini bar and smell like a bottle of American Airlines finest overly priced Vodka and garlic fries. Not only do they sit right behind you, they order more drinks while in flight and continue talking loudly because drunk people have no sense of volume control let alone breath.

Then you get the family who sits in front of you and doesn’t care what their kids do. Like the child watching you through the crack between his mom and dad’s seat during the entire flight. It was cute the first four times, but cut to six hours later, you're ready to put the kid in the overhead compartment.

Lucky for you, you have the middle seat next to the guy with the long legs spilling into the aisle who ordered something extremely pungent in the food court before takeoff. It’s something between Mongolian and Indian and smell’s expired. On the right of you is a woman who has to use the restroom every five minutes and continually kicks you in the knee as she gets up.

This woman is also the type who "can't sleep" and requires the light on all night while loudly flipping through pages of US Weekly, painting her nails and asking for coffee. No matter how many sleeping pills you pop and how many blankets you wrap around your face, she’s the bain of your existence. There is no escaping her.

Finally, she falls asleep in which you believe frees you of her annoyances until her head slowly inches to your shoulder invading your space. Leaning against the window would just be incomprehensible to her innate knowledge.

Like I said, what’s not to love about air travel? I live for it.

2 comments :

  1. This makes me want to fly again soon...NOT!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hm.. Interesting post. I have never concerned myself with thinking about the number of unruley passengers before!

    ReplyDelete

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