Monday, August 9, 2010

Commonly misused terms

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Photography by Jauncho Contreras

There are many words, names and places that are commonly misused. Words that serve many purposes as well as words that can bring light to any subject. A few of these words that are abused are as follows:

Douchebag: used to describe a person who moves one car length ahead while your blinker is on, then cuts you off as you switch lanes. Also see: asshole.

Hoe: contrary to popular belief, this word can be used to describe both your garden tool and all your ex-girlfriends. Example: My ex-girlfriend, who had sex with my best friend while we were dating, is a big huge hoe.

Moron: a person who lacks intellect and may be smarter than an idiot, but less smart than jackass. This person likes to add -er to the end of most words--funner and stupider--and likes to wear sunglasses indoors while drinking Mike's Hard Lemonade. Also see: fraternity.

STD: something you get from that hoe you're dating. Side effects include loss of reputation, small breakouts in and around the mouth or genitals and/or long term ailments.

Creep: the guy next to you in line who keeps getting closer and closer and closer. No, he's not trying to see the cover of US Weekly next to you, he's trying to smell your hair, skin or decide whether he wants to eat you later.

Billy Ray Cyrus: a confused man who can't tell his daughter from his mistress. This title can be used to describe any man with this problem.

Player: no, not Lebron James, the guy you're dating. Can't commit? Likes having options? Player. Also see STD and douchebag. Move on and get checked.

Heavy Petting: this term should never be used in a petting zoo or around children under the age of 14 (let's be real: 14 is the rightful age to be on Maury, therefore heavy petting is permitted). Commonly performed in places where night vision is required, roommates are in coinciding beds and when no protection is available.

Guido: a person who rubs off on walls and white sheets. No, not sexually, their skin color. Also see Guida and Moron.

Cockblock: your friend who is probably trying to inhibit you from your hoe and a lifetime of doctor visits. Thank your clockblock later.

Beer Goggles: a cool souvenir you get immediately after four Bud Lights. They are often 3D and come in different colors and styles such as: Black, Puerto Rican, Caucasian and Asian. They also make real life look and feel much better.

7 comments :

  1. billy ray cyrus is kind of creepy....

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  2. this is several levels above UrbanDictionary. i like it. poor Billy Ray, though.

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  3. You're spot on; life through beer goggles is infinitely more exciting than life without.
    *crawls to fridge for beer*

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  4. If only they knew how much they'd appreciate their cockblockers one day...

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  5. when i was in college, the guys next door mixed it up a bit. beer hoes. don't ask. it was tremendously appropriate, though. sigh.

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  6. lol you crack me up! i love this post!

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