Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Dating questions answered

Dating questions answered
Photograph taken by Tamara Lichtenstein

Q: Is chatting via webcam considered cheating?

A: Are you having a live conference with fellow co-workers about the newly implemented changes in your office? Or are you wearing furry handcuffs and leather chaps while talking to a cowboy in distress when your boyfriend is at work?

Webcam's don't scream talk therapy, they scream fetish after dark. If you need to talk to someone, try a friend or therapist, not some guy named Hank in Delaware. It isn’t physical cheating, it’s emotional, on a totally creepy predator level.


Q: I hate that my boyfriend has pictures of his ex on Facebook. Can I ask him to take them down?
A: You can ask him to take them down if you want to continue dating him. As to why you want to date someone who is hung up on his ex is beyond me. If I were you, I would print all the pictures out, make a photo album for him and then tell him to go play on some train tracks. Get real.

Q: My boyfriend is very distant from me. We don't talk as much anymore and I want to get him to want to talk to me all the time. Help!
A: Well, there's a vast difference between talking to you once a month and once an hour. What’s your definition of normal? People do have lives--sleeping, working, showering--so you can't be the center of his being all the time.

If he's not talking to you for long periods of time (day’s on end, week’s even), it's not that he's ashamed of you, he's ashamed of himself--well, that's a lie--your relationship is clearly done.

You should never have to wonder when he will come around; he should, as well as you, always be around. Relationships aren't games; if you want to play games, put two quarters in the air hockey table.

Move on or realize he can’t talk to you in his sleep.

Q: Can you call dibs on a girl or guy?
A: No and how dare you want to deprive the economy of its good looking youth. I don't care if you licked the girl like the guy who licked his favorite car in that old Volkswagen Jetta commercial. If she or he isn't into you, it's not going to happen. There are plenty of other pretty young things for you to get to know later in life so stop it.

7 comments :

  1. You should do a column for a magazine. Send a pitch over to The Frisky or something!

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  2. agreed with the above comment.

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  3. Love your answers! I will definitely be following your awesome blog from now on! Nice to find you through 20 Something Bloggers!

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  4. You are the epitomy of awesomeness.

    I agree with Hipstercrite... you should totally be writing a column.

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  5. Pfft. You people all dream small.. you should write a tv series based off this! It would give all the current reality shows a run for their money!

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  6. I love your answers! I agree with all the comments above!

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