Photograph taken by Daniel Gil Rodrigo
You find weird chat rooms left open on her computer while checking your email. First of all, who uses chatrooms anymore? It's not 1998 when chatting on AOL was more fun than actually hanging out with your friends. Second of all, no one--I mean no one--should be discussing creepy fetishes with strangers anymore on a chat board. It's called Chatroulette people, at least there you can show your face.
Her business cards not only contain her phone number, email and website, but also the prices for her "services."
She gets your dog a pink rhinestone encrusted collar as well as matching sweaters and T-shirts. Your dog is male and also a 70 pound Labrador who now hates its life. This won't stop here: when winter sets in, your dog will be sporting scarves, Santa Clause hats and probably boots because it's paws might get cold.There's one thing you don't mess with and that's man's best friend.
She replaces all your food with non-fat, low-fat, vegan and organic (skip this one if you want her to). She's either insinuating that you need a gym pass or she's making you over into the man she wants you to be. Either reasons aren't good. If you like your Hostess cupcakes, then damn it, eat them and find yourself a woman who loves you for you as well as Twinkies.
She looks in the mirror and asks "does this look like a canker sore or herpes? I'm not sure, it could be one or the other."
All of her pictures on Facebook, her phone and in her apartment are her with other girls, on other girls and kissing other girls. She likes girls. She just wants a man around to rub her neck and kill spiders.
She gets smashed every time you hang out. We're talking the kind of smashed involving forgetting your name, her name, hooking up with strangers and finishing the night over the toilet. She's bad news and will probably drink all of your parents wine if you bring her home.