Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Advice on advice

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Here’s some advice retracted from Cosmopolitan. You may have the same statements or questions, don’t worry Dr. Jessica is here to help.

Q: “I found some e-mails my boyfriend wrote to girls who'd posted ads on Craigslist wanting to hook up. I confronted him, and he said he was just playing. Why did he really do it?”

A: First of all, I hope you're not still with him; Craigslist is the venereal disease of the World Wide Web. Second of all, he did it because he wants to have sex with other women. This site is for selling used couches that your college roommates spilled beer all over and for registered sex offenders to make friends and find lovers with weird fetishes. Yep, your boyfriend is on there. You might want to reconsider the title "boyfriend."

Q: “I've been hanging out with this guy for a month or so, and everything is great...but I can't stop thinking about him. I feel like I'm obsessing. How can I get this guy off my mind all the time?”

A: What’s your definition of obsessing exactly? Is it: refreshing his Facebook page every five minutes, knowing all his ex girlfriends by first, middle and last name, having a special ring tone for him and calling everyone by his name? If that’s you, go to Netflix, order Fatal Attraction and take meticulous notes. Get off his Facebook, go outside, and hang out with your friends for a little bit if you're that distraught over it. Otherwise, stop pushing away a good thing and embrace his face in your thoughts. Why wouldn't you want to think about him anyway?

Q: “My new boyfriend is very experienced. I'm not jealous of all the girls he's been with, but I've always been really scared of getting an STD. And when I'm with him, I can't stop worrying about it, even though we practice safe sex. Will he mind if I ask him detailed questions about his past?”

A: No, not at all. In fact, wait until you're both naked and ready to have sex to ask him these things. Talk about a turn on. Make sure you get as much information as you can; you don't want to leave anything out. While you're at it, get a family health background as well: heart disease, cancer, etc. You want to rule out anything for your future children you already thought about and probably named in your head.

Q: “I have an on-again, off-again relationship with this guy. The main reason why it's been so rocky is because when we're on, he's seldom able to perform in bed, and it gets both of us so frustrated. However, when we just hook up during "off" times, he has no problems. I really think this is the only obstacle to our being together, so is there anything I can do to fix it?”

A: Did you read this after you typed it out? I don't think your "only obstacle" is bold enough. The guy clearly can't get it up for you in any way when you're committed. Hello red flag, it's time to move on. He wants to have the cow and milk it for cheese, ice cream, yogurt, you name it. He may also be better during your "off times" because he is learning new moves from other cows. Stop trying to tie someone down who doesn't want to be tied down. Think about it, sleep on it and get back to me.


Source: Cosmopolitan, May 2009

4 comments :

  1. milking cows...hah jess you're rad

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL the part about getting the cheese, ice cream, yogurt for free made me laugh! You give great advice :D

    ReplyDelete

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