Monday, May 10, 2010

Naughty by nature

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Photo source: Nicolás Méndez

There's no question that we do weird things; things that are unexplainable to anyone trying to grasp the reasoning behind our culture. Typically, these habits have no positive outcome and no necessary means for performance, they just happen as if their instilled in us.

Whether or not you perform any of the following, you probably know someone who does, did today or will tomorrow.

Things like cleaning your bedroom turns into leaving the vacuum in the corner for a week. Good for you, you got a free coat rack. It's beyond me or oneself as to why a person wouldn't just put it away--a simple task taking three minutes to perform--but instead a week of Oreck decor is seemingly more idyllic, especially when bra's and dresses are hanging off it.

Speaking of laundry, who actually completes it? I have come to the conclusion that the maker's of dryer's want us lazy. Yes, you Whirlpool. The wrinkle guard setting was built in for a reason. We'd rather have the dryer restart itself 56 times before emptying it and folding our stupid jeans let alone emptying it at all: what's a dresser for anyway?

If it's not laundry, it's the dishes; they remain in the dishwasher after cleaned until needing to be cleaned again. Why put them away--ever--when you can single handedly remove items when needed? One fork at a time.

Then there's tailgating. What's the point of riding someone's ass only to arrive at a red light beside the ass ridden car? How awkward. The guy is totally strapping dynamite to your body in his head as he stares you down. You, the now scared and nervous driver, are pretending you did nothing wrong and continue to stare straight ahead while nodding to Lady Gaga, Ja Rule or whatever you're listening to.

Not checking voice-mails. Letting your voicemails rack up until there are 40 in your inbox leaving you with 30 minutes of listening to your mom, dad, boss, drunk friends singing to you at 4:00 a.m. and dentist reminders. Awesome, hope you popped popcorn.

Waiting until 9:30 a.m. to get ready for work at 10. Welcome to suddenly missing everything: keys, one shoe, your wallet, your phone, hell, even your car. You probably stub your toe on a corner constantly, blame the world, arrive at work late and furious and it’s everyone else’s fault.

Acting totally surprised when you meet someone new as if you haven't already seen their Facebook/MySpace/Twitter/criminal records. Yeah, keep pretending like you didn't know their favorite band, that she has two sisters and once met Elton John. Your acting is phenomenal.

Watching scary TV shows like Ghost Hunters alone in the dark when you're indeed afraid of ghosts and the dark. Idiot. You know what's going to happen. You know the guy with the Scottish accent is going to walk into a room and the ghost meter is going to go nuts, hence the title "Ghost Hunters." You know it's going to make you jump when a loud noise happens. You know that you will now have to sleep with a light on and walk to your room while saying "I am not afraid of no ghosts" loudly, in case there are ghosts.

Stupid behavior doesn't stop at ghosts. Think back on those mornings when you pour out of bed after too many Vodka Tonic's. Dragging your dehydrated and lethargic self to the fridge, you find a drip of water left in the pitcher thanks to your too kind roommate or worse, there's an empty juice carton. The trash can is two feet away, yet you can't seem to throw it out and would rather be an ass and put it back. Your logic is of ill repute.

This behavior is never going to change. It's in our nature to do weird things that make no sense, even to us.

16 comments :

  1. yeah...the water in the pitcher thing is so shitty.

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  2. i don't know why i watch "ghost adventures" purely based off the fact that the hosts look and act like a bunch of douchey dudebros.

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  3. You rock so hard. I think you write the way I would write if I were a girl. Or woman. Or whatever you may call yourself. Anyway. You rocking = fact.

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  4. its definitely some nice writin there, and all in your posts actually. my vacuum in the corner agrees.

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  5. Yeah, there's nothing better than the awkward charade of a conversation with someone about whom you already know way more than you should. Personally, I don't feel like a night out is complete unless I've had one.

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  6. I leave the vacuum out nearly 90% of the time...

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  7. as if you don't already know - you have a wonderful writing style. just thought it had to be said again.

    this: "he guy is totally strapping dynamite to your body in his head as he stares you down." is gold.

    http://lachercheuse-accidentelles.blogspot.com/

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  8. @sharon actor, boomka and shawn tina: thank you!

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  9. i am extremely guilty of letting voicemails pile up... and maybe i use my dryer for storage. haha. SAD.

    the vacuum thing is just weird. i'd point and laugh at that.

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  10. this just reminded me of living in college dorms...every word is true lol.

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  11. i do the dryer and dishwasher thing. i dont even have a real vaccuum, i have a shop vac so i have to crawl around on my floor with it. i normally never finish, so the shop vac stays where ever it was when i decided id rather go smoke a cigarette.

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  12. you also forgot one. having to strategically place garbage ontop of the garbage pile in the can because it's been 5 days since you took the garbage out.

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  13. Ha ha, we definitely do strange things.

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  14. Haha hilarious, yet so true!

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  15. Love it! So true I just spent 15 minutes listening to the 12 voicemails in my inbox today, I hate checking my voicemail!

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  16. hilarious! love this! i am so guilty of the dryer as well as a few (maybe more than a few) other offenses.
    xo, anne

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