Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Lyrics that will get you laid


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Photo by: Stop Talking

The following pick up lines have been extracted from arguably some of the greatest rap and pop songs of all time. Use these accordingly while out and about; however, it’s not guaranteed getting a girl in the sack.

"I want your ugly, I want your disease, I want your everything as long as it's free (Lady Gaga);" showing your honesty and disregard for shame, this line demonstrates willingness to commit since regardless of disease, you want it. When it comes to ugly and disease, the two are free--beauty is what’s costly--love has no limit's.

“You’se a big fine woman when you back that thing up (Snoop Dogg);” this works well on spring break, the back alley of a gentleman’s club, and if you aren’t already a registered sex offender. Just make sure you are in an area that is poorly lit, because if she remembers what you look like, you might get slapped if she ever runs into you again.

"Oh girl, your silhouette make me wanna light a cigarette (Kanye West);" Charming. Try using this while in search of a light for your Marlboro from a female contender.

"I said I never seen a face like yours before and I been around some cute whores before." Oh Jigga man Jay-Z, you’re such a sweet talker you; this is great when you're on a stroll in the park, at the beach with some friends or picking up on ladies in the grocery store. She will instantly see your genuine side and want you right then and there. Frozen food aisle and all; your body heat will keep you warm.

“Hey yo fat girl, c'mere – are ya ticklish? Yeah, I called ya fat. Look at me, I'm skinny. It never stopped me from gettin' busy. I'm a freak (Digital Underground);” girls totally need inspiration to run faster on the treadmill anyway, so this is a double whammy because you just boosted her ego by hitting on her. Next time you're at the gym, try this one out.

"I wanna li-lick you from your head to your toe (Lil Kim);" this works well for people who have foot fetishes, enjoy licking, have no shame or ability to get embarrassed or a regard for clothing being soaked in cheap alcohol after offense has set in. I hope you own a pair of those Dockers that are liquid resistant.


My apologies are you into astrology ‘cause, um, I’m trying to make it to Uranus;” Picture third period astrology without this line. You can’t can you? You are definitely getting an A+ in effort, citizenship and smooth moves. Don’t thank me, thank Jadakiss and Kanye West.

Now don’t use these lines all at once, you have to spread your game out over the course of a weekend and remember, it’s all in the execution: think head nod, winking and the white man gun point. It’s all you baby.

6 comments :

  1. Awesome post! True, but depressing. Is romance extinct?

    xo/
    @EvieStewart

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  2. oh my goodness. Well I am glad my post made you laguh and I was too lazy for any kind of excursion last night. :)

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  3. I'm using that last one this weekend. It's been decided.

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  4. Hahaha, I love this post. I have fantasized about throwing out the 'I want your ugly' Gaga line. I need to do that.

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