Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Never trust a girl who...

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Photo by Juampi Bonino
Guys, never trust a girl who:


Has every guy in a bar around her as if she were Jenna Jameson. Trust me, she's not and whatever they’re talking about isn't politics.

Is still close with her ex or ex’s: they aren't just friends, they don't just have dinner and they’re not going to stop "seeing movies" anytime soon. She wants more of him, but she also wants you, so you better be cautious and wear a rubber. You don’t know where he's been.

Only talks about herself; seemingly, humility is not one of her strong points and she's never heard of the art of conversation. The layer of Aqua Net that's clouding her vision will soon cloud yours.

Is flirting with all of your friends; no she isn’t just being friendly, she is flirting. She is definitely one of those: keep your boyfriend close and his friends closer. You know, in case something goes wrong.

Requires you to ask permission when you want to hang out with your friends. No one needs permission to do anything. Hang out with your friends and if there is a problem with the old ball and chain, set your sail, otherwise you may end up a Sid and Nancy story.

Won't kiss you in public; damn it, she should be proud to grope you whenever and wherever, so when she holds out until you're behind closed doors, she clearly has some issues.

Thinks she sounds exactly like Whitney Houston when she is doing karaoke, hence why she has been requesting her every time you guys go out. Put her in her place by pulling a Simon Cowell, then get the check.

Has white powder in her nose (I said in, not on). Unless Amy Winehouse is your thing, she will most likely start beating you in the streets around 4:00 a.m. in a pair of ballet flats, all in the name of love of course.

Call’s you immediately after the date--the first date, not the sixth—and just wants to talk. She's got it bad. Sometimes rules can be broken; however, you just answered the phone call to Fatal Attraction 2. I hope you don't have any rabbits.

Says her last boyfriend is serving time in jail. The bottom line is, they aren't together because he is serving time in jail and most likely doesn't know about you. I'd hate to be there when he does find out because you can bet your Sean John jeans he's coming for you.

Has nothing nice to say about any of her friends, your friends, strangers or even birds that stare too long. Negativity is out like press on nails. Yes, sometimes things are said about people, but when they are her friends or people she doesn't even know, it's not okay: red flag.

Upon claiming she is fine, she cries during sex and then continues to sob after you're done. It's not you, it's totally her.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

14 comments :

  1. "Has nothing nice to say about any of her friends, your friends, strangers or even birds that stare too long."

    Holy hell, that's so true. My last girlfriend was like that and it drove me insane toward the end. She wound up isolating herself from all her friends, and then got pissed when she didn't get invited to things with my friends... even though she repeatedly would tell me how much didn't like them.

    Yeah, she's the crazy ex.

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  2. Amazing! You just described half of the girls that go out on West 6th in CLE! Retweeting in 5...4...3...2...

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  3. You pretty much nailed it, my dear. And where were you 10 years ago when I was dating my wife????? Talks about herself and the negativity part are sooo true. Good post.

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  4. This post was so freaking funny! I have decided that it should be sent as a mass email to all single men around the world. I always tell my husband that to some extent each and every girl is a crazy bitch. It's just a question to what degree her level of crazy bitch is.

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  5. now this is advice that beats lame relationship articles in magazines. you've got a future; guys who end up with any girls like those DO NOT.

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  6. Girls who don't do PDA for the loss. Bravo, my friend.

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  7. Where's the "like" button 'round here?

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  8. phenom post! excellent. i will definitely be coming back more!

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  9. does that make me a creeper girl? i've cried after sex...i loved him and he loved me....it was good...but he was emotional disconnected and something was bothering.

    other than that...everything else on here is crazy shiz!

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  10. hahahahahahaha,
    'you just answered the phone call to Fatal Attraction 2'
    Love. It.

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  11. Love the advice! It's true...there are some crazy ladies out there.

    I blogged about the 3 kinds of men yesterday and I think that you should do the 3 kinds of women as a rebuttal...just putting that out there.

    http://jenerallyspeaking.wordpress.com/2010/03/30/3-kinds-of-men-theories-from-my-early-20s/

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  12. Hahaha this is so true! --I also find it is good to be cautious about men with any of these tendencies! You are so blunt (and smart) and it is refreshing!

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  13. Okay so I just found your blog and first of all- I love your about me portion. Second off I love this post- it is hilarious. Third and most important- I love your blog. You are definitely going in my favorites and getting bookmarked.

    Just thought you should know :D
    Ashley
    awfulbeautifuldisarray.blogspot.com

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