Thursday, March 18, 2010

Best friends, dating and balancing: it's possible

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Photo source: unknown

Remember that person you used to call up around 1:00 a.m. because you had something funny to tell them and only they would understand? How about those friends you had the best spring break of your life with even though you don’t remember much and spent the majority of the time praying to the porcelain gods? What about those kids you have known since grade school and are so close with, silence is unquestionably okay when you hang out? Ah, memories.

Now you're all grown up, you're in a serious relationship and friends are petty, immature even. Friends are for people who don't understand the value of soul mates and enjoy silly things like laughing and having inside jokes.

Life is just so much better when it's just the two of you, every day and all day.

Not.

Everyone has been one of the two: you’ve either been the neglected friend of someone who is now on the back of a milk carton after they began dating their current love interest or you've been the friend who quit without a two week notice when you started dating your soul mate. Maybe you've even been both, in which I suppose you felt you had to get back at someone which is partially understandable (if you've been neither, I applaud you and say, just wait).

"It happens," isn't an excuse and neither is “you just don't understand.”

This type of behavior isn't acceptable. It doesn't matter if you're dating Jake Gyllenhaal—apologies for numerous blog references about him, he’s just so fine—take five minutes from staring into his blue eyes and use that cool Blackberry of yours to text a friend; you don’t even have to call.

You’re not only hurting your friends but you're hurting yourself in the end. Simply meaning: you better have a great relationship with your Grandma and at least a few four legged pet's because they will be your wedding party. Start training your cat now because I hear they hate it when wedding bands are tied to their backs on frilly pillows.

Friends are privileges; people say they come and go, but not true friends. Not the ones who know the only thing that makes a bad situation better is your favorite pizza which happens to involve Skittles and ranch dressing (it’s disgusting, but no one else will know that). They like you for a reason and if you've forgotten, you liked them too at one point.

Besides being dubbed a complete jerk, there are a few side effects to this type of behavior:

Believe me when I say this: nothing nice is being said about you at this very moment. Each time your name is brought up, there is a guaranteed sigh of disgust, name calling and claims of smaller than normal genitals.

The saying your friends will always be there for you isn't true because it's 2010 and this society is really into instant gratification. We're adults and fully capable of replacing you with someone who cares and quite possibly makes a better Skittle covered pizza with ranch dressing. No one will be waiting around for you and when you need advice or the relationship is over, cats are great listeners.

Care for another side effect? People will start wondering. They wonder what you do if you no longer talk to your friends. They wonder what you could have left to talk about if it's just the two of you all the time. Wondering leads to accusations and no one wants to be some sort of fantasized rumor.

It's a simple concept: multi-tasking. You can date and still have friends. It’s understandable your quality movie quoting time will be cut down a bit, but it doesn’t have to vanish. It’s the one time you can have your cake and eat it too. Don’t be a statistic.

Photo source is unknown.

12 comments :

  1. I totally agree, priortization and multi-tasking are crucial! Just left you a little award on my blog. :)

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  2. I agree, you can balance the two. This was easy for me because I moved away and started dating my husband in my new town. So all of my friends never felt neglected as long as they got a phone call and a visit once and a while. But I have been the person that has dropped off the planet once I had a new man. The reality of it is that your friends will be around a lot longer than most relationships so you have to remember who will love you the most in the end.

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  3. Skittle Ranch Pizza? That sounds pretty disgusting.

    Other than that, it was a good post.

    I know a friend or should I say quasi friend now, whose girlfriend is his obsession. My other friend's girlfriend is a big pushover and borderline dictator.

    I'm glad I've never pushed friends away because of a significant other.

    - Jimmy

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  4. I have been trying to find the words to do a post like this for a while now. I recently had a friend that decided his new role in dating is better then late night chats and early morning texts. Lets just say he is a fellow reader, and I didn't want to hurt his pride. But reading what you just wrote there have given me an outlet and some ammo. Thank you!

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  5. It sucks being the neglector, looking back on how I treated the guys who used to be my best friends, and realize that there's no way I can ever really repair that relationship. Three years. Three fucking years. I can't believe I didn't see it...

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  6. AMEN.

    I haven't been the neglector in quite some time, but I know full well what it feels like to be the neglectee. The people who used to be your friends now show up only to birthday dinners and the occasional pregame. Woe is them.

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  7. this is one of the best posts i've read in awhile. i've totally been both of those people.

    http://kellietherese.blogspot.com/

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  8. so so so well said! pure awesomeness.

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  9. i like this post too. good stuff.

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  10. Nice work Jessica. Love the whole blog but this one is one of my favorite so far.

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