258. by Sabino on Flickr
Many moments in life often make me yell, "why god, why?" Only before realizing that I am not the only person in which heinous things happen to her. I now know the gods aren’t out to get just me. I guess if my only job was to do good for others, I too would occasionally want to see someone trip and fall in the crosswalk of Sunset and Vein in Hollywood. Yeah, didn’t hurt at all.
It’s the little things in life like sending a text message to the wrong person that can turn a normal relationship into a slightly awkward one next time you see them. Go ahead and press cancel so hard your thumb is bleeding. Unfortunately, it was sent and now someone else knows you think you might be pregnant or you think so and so is a bitch. Heaven forbid that text went to the so-called bitch.
While a family member is in the room, you accidentally click on a channel containing salacious low budget porn because you thought the guide said Dawson's Creek, not Dawson's Crack. You try and change the channel so fast but due to high stress, you keep clicking volume instead of channel.
Being in a room with a fighting couple and it’s just the three of you. Do you leave? Do you stay and watch? Do you turn around and face the wall?
Letting someone use your computer before remembering you left a web page up on getting rid of rashes or a chat room for closet Hannah Montanna fans over 25. How do you explain that?
You ask how someone is doing and they start telling you about their horrible break up or some weird skin removal they recently had. Do you nod and agree that you know exactly what they are going through?
Being the only person in a bathroom that smells worse than a cow pasture when someone walks in giving you a filthy look like you should be ashamed.
Upon falling asleep, doodling morbid pictures or texting a friend, your teacher calls on you in a classroom of say, 150 or more, and asks you a question. If you had been paying attention, you may know the answer, but instead you blurt out Crimean War when the question was about the state senate.
When someone tells you he or she is into you when the feeling isn’t exactly mutual. Yes, you may have known; however, you waited too long to abort. Everyone likes a thrill right? Your deer in the headlight face says it all as the random person beside you is eavesdropping without a care in the world all in vain to see how you will handle this doozey.
Not knowing your math tables resulting in the use of your fingers, sugar packets and straws in the name of subtraction. Unfortunately, you still got the wrong total and shout out a guess that is so wrong you may as well have not even showed up to second grade.
That awkward silence a conversation can get to with a stranger or acquaintance and you can’t think of anything else to say, literally. Standing there waiting for someone to save you, you can now hear your heart beat and the bat of your lashes feels like a seismic shock until the person finally says they have to get going. Don’t forget the awkward hand shake, high five, not know what to do with yourself goodbye.
You and your friends are Googling your names for fun and somehow you come across a dating profile you made for yourself a while back but forgot about.
Hugging an awkward hugger: You, the totally huggable person have hugged everyone in the room upon departure except the one person putting himself noticeably at the end of the line (his problem is noticeable to everyone by the way; they too want to see how you handle this). So you lean in for it as everyone else watches and your heads smack, resulting in an awkward hug-pat on the back along with a gang like fist bump that is too unfitting for two white guys.
Doing the slip trip; you’re walking along a busy street, listening to your iPod while everyone is enjoying their lunch break outside in the brisk winter air as you slip on a patch of slick pavement. Of course, you immediately catch yourself by doing the slip trip. It’s sort of a slide-hop-skip that people think looks cool, but it doesn’t. Everyone saw you almost fall.
Having your lunch on your face all day; not only is it rude to not tell someone they have something disgusting on their face like Alfredo sauce or worse, a bodily function, but it’s embarrassing when all day you thought you never looked better until looking in the mirror to utter horror. Rude.