Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Never trust a guy who...

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Photo by Rodney S.

Wears a white cashmere scarf to a bar full of twenty-something’s (don’t know what I’m talking about? Click this) Your Amelia Earhart meets Lenny Kravitz attire has got to go and so do you.

Has been slowly inching towards you and your friends for 20 minutes and upon finally hitting the finish line, he says he's waiting for his friends. Cut to an hour later of conversation about his grandparent’s farm in Kentucky, a loss of your buzz and the warding off of any potential good looking men, his friends never showed. Don't linger in bars alone and don't use this line. He's probably on Megan’s Law.

His hobbies include: "Well, I like to make techno music on my keyboard?" Sure, that's funny but if that’s all his resume contains, get the check.

Watched Joysey Shore and adopted the LGT routine (If you don't know what that is, no you haven't been living under a rock, you still have an IQ). The white guy you used to know is now looking very Wayne Newton in a very crisp white tank top. Don't forget the Claire’s Accessories earrings he thinks are cool.

Thinks it's funny to let the door slam in your face as a joke. Then kills over laughing as you treat a bloody nose. File a complaint.

Has named each one of his abs; pointing to each muscle, he corrects you by saying: This one is Ripped, Awesome, Sex machine, lady killer, etc.

Has Taylor Swift on his iTunes and blames his sister: liar. He totally listens to that when no one is around. At least own it.

He starts talking like his favorite Star Wars character in bed. No, not Han Solo: Chubaca. Get your clothes and get the hell out of there.

Every single picture on his Facebook profile is him with a girl and a different girl in each shot mind you. If I wanted to look at your dating chronicles, I'd ask, or at least snoop around on the Internet. If you want girls thinking you have no friends or that you’re gay, fine, otherwise put up a picture with your dog or hell, your Snoopy you say you don't sleep with anymore.

When you finally meet his friends and family, they have no clue who you are. When I say finally, that’s also a red flag.

Wears shirts that say: I kill bitches, Sex Machine, hold on to your girlfriends, David is here (yes he got his name screen printed on his shirt), and who needs college when you have mommy and daddy?

Smokes a whole pack of cigarettes on a three hour date; no wonder he planned a perfectly romantic rooftop-dinner-date with a view of the city; how thoughtful, not. If you're going to smoke, smoke accordingly to non smokers and smokers.

He only orders a side salad at dinner...with dressing on the side. Sorry, I didn't realize I was dating a contestant for America's Next Top Man Baby. I don’t care if your jeans are too tight, at least order a piece of meat or some bread.

Is a complete stranger and Wants to discuss religion in a bar before casually throwing in that he’s not too far from becoming an ordained priest. What are you doing with that holy Heineken water then?

Wears his almost too skinny jeans rolled up making a capri pant. Yeah, it may be hipster, but he is most likely gay sweetheart. Unless you just hopped off your bike or took a skip in the sea, don't trust those bare ankles.

Orders drinks all night with names like: Blow Job, Screamin O and… you get the picture. I don't even order Sex on the Beaches’, neither should any man of mine.

12 comments :

  1. This is my new philosophy on life.

    pagetwentythrree.blogspot.com

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  2. I would ad is a fan of Nickeback and owns an Ed Hardy tee to that very brilliant lists of don'ts.

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  3. you are a genius!

    and as a whole it suits perfectly the boyfriend i just dumped!!!

    www.thefitoftheoutfit.blogspot.com

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  4. Just to get this straight, the picture of my home boy has nothing to do w/ this post right? Cos it threw me off hard.

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  5. noooo definitely not. I like to include good/creative pictures...and this shot is the ticket. by no means is that picture a reason to not trust a guy Rodney ; )

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  6. ha ha this article was funny and true :)

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  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  8. hahaha. even IF he owns up to listening to Taylor Swift... no. cancel. skip. delete.

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