Photo by Derek T. Vincent
To all the single lovers out there, you know who you are:
Here’s to the guy who is so cool in his hoodie and Ray Bans that you can’t see through. He’s so mysterious that you can’t see where his eyes are fixated even though they’re looking at you. He looks away, then back, then away again. What’s so wrong with hello or a smile? Heaven forbid he takes those off and makes eye contact.
To the girl who really likes that guy at her work but every time he tries starting a conversation, she goes ape-bitch on him acting like he’s just another minority in her insipid life otherwise known as Starbucks.
To the guy who has to be a serial flirter in front of you. The kind of ladies man in which you—the one he really likes— can’t tell who his girlfriend is or isn’t. Ass.
To the girl who says she just wants to be friends for now, but still wants you to come over, rub her back and keep her company.
Mystery loves company. The games we play to keep people around we secretly lust after in our heads. The walls we build to make it seem like we don’t really picture each other naked.
Enough! Are we eight years old with cooties? Stop chasing each other around the sandbox and stop acting like you have secrets and are some mysterious creature of the night that can never be figured out.
Maybe you aren’t making a move because the person is in a relationship or you just want to be single due to whatever excuse you have. That’s fine; however, if your answer is because you’re intimidated, out of their league or too nervous, damn it, get over yourself.
Life doesn’t wait to throw you curve balls like crabs or torrential downpours when you don’t have an umbrella, so why should you wait to ask out that babe you are obviously lusting after? Do you want a strange nurse sponging you down when you're old or someone who cares about you?
Yes, dating is a battlefield, we're all aware of the consequences of jumping in too soon. Girls don’t want to say jump and you ask how high. Guys don’t want to hang out and then have the girl plan their wedding, but those are extreme cases, and if those are your cases, stop hanging out in “single and looking for marriage” chat rooms.
There is such thing as a happy medium between being too nice and attentive and playing mind games.
This mysterious act of yours is about to be a lonely act. Repeat to yourself that one is the loneliest number, over and over again. The guy you want to woo is going start thinking your ape-bitch attitude is normal and you despise him before proceeding to ask someone else out and that girl is definitely taking the next date offered if you don’t reel in the line soon.
It’s time to stop playing games, stop waiting for something to happen and please stop getting down on yourself. Have the confidence only the cast of Jersey Shore has--because trust me, they are the only ones that think they look that good—and get on with your bad self. Together we can make this movement work.