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To all the single lovers out there, you know who you are:

Here’s to the guy who is so cool in his hoodie and Ray Bans that you can’t see through. He’s so mysterious that you can’t see where his eyes are fixated even though they’re looking at you. He looks away, then back, then away again. What’s so wrong with hello or a smile? Heaven forbid he takes those off and makes eye contact.

To the girl who really likes that guy at her work but every time he tries starting a conversation, she goes ape-bitch on him acting like he’s just another minority in her insipid life otherwise known as Starbucks.

To the guy who has to be a serial flirter in front of you. The kind of ladies man in which you—the one he really likes— can’t tell who his girlfriend is or isn’t. Ass.

To the girl who says she just wants to be friends for now, but still wants you to come over, rub her back and keep her company.

Mystery loves company. The games we play to keep people around we secretly lust after in our heads. The walls we build to make it seem like we don’t really picture each other naked.

Enough! Are we eight years old with cooties? Stop chasing each other around the sandbox and stop acting like you have secrets and are some mysterious creature of the night that can never be figured out.

Maybe you aren’t making a move because the person is in a relationship or you just want to be single due to whatever excuse you have. That’s fine; however, if your answer is because you’re intimidated, out of their league or too nervous, damn it, get over yourself.

Life doesn’t wait to throw you curve balls like crabs or torrential downpours when you don’t have an umbrella, so why should you wait to ask out that babe you are obviously lusting after? Do you want a strange nurse sponging you down when you're old or someone who cares about you?

Yes, dating is a battlefield, we're all aware of the consequences of jumping in too soon. Girls don’t want to say jump and you ask how high. Guys don’t want to hang out and then have the girl plan their wedding, but those are extreme cases, and if those are your cases, stop hanging out in “single and looking for marriage” chat rooms.

There is such thing as a happy medium between being too nice and attentive and playing mind games.

This mysterious act of yours is about to be a lonely act. Repeat to yourself that one is the loneliest number, over and over again. The guy you want to woo is going start thinking your ape-bitch attitude is normal and you despise him before proceeding to ask someone else out and that girl is definitely taking the next date offered if you don’t reel in the line soon.

It’s time to stop playing games, stop waiting for something to happen and please stop getting down on yourself. Have the confidence only the cast of Jersey Shore has--because trust me, they are the only ones that think they look that good—and get on with your bad self. Together we can make this movement work.
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Photo by Megan Leonard

Names have been left out to protect the dating impaired…

1. While in bars, don't send a friend to pick up a girl you're interested in. While you may think she is "very attractive,”—which is what you told your friend to tell her—you need to man up. You’re not in Junior High where notes are passed asking each other silly questions like: check yes if you like me. Guess what her answer will most likely be: “Tell your friend to tell me himself,” with a nasty smirk. Now you, with your tail between your legs, don't even want to use the bathroom that she happens to be sitting by. Way to go undercover cop. I hope you have good aim, because that empty bottle is all you got.

2. Don't hover behind a girl while she is in deep conversation with a friend. Her friend is now glaring at you with an awkward grin she's trying to conceal while attempting to listen intently to your story. Also, your vampire breathing on the back of her neck isn't going to get her attention either. P.S. Don't come back twenty minutes later asking if you did something wrong. Unless you wanted change for a twenty, your wedding ring was the first mistake, even before the vampire breathing.

3. If you're trying to fight fires, don’t think it's okay to hit on the girl who is watching from her window. Yes, you thought this out clearly: She’s the damsel in distress, two floors above you, and from what you can see, she looks good. She may be, but when there is no real emergency and her simple inquiry about the said crisis jumped to asking for her number out of the blue--out of the blue is the key here--it's weird, flattering, but weird. While you’re standing there looking like a sick puppy dying for a phone number, she’s writing a pity post-it to throw down with the local chinese food number on it.

4. Don't pull a girls hair to see if it's real. It doesn’t matter how pretty and shiny it is, you aren’t a baby and it’s not a silver rattle. It’s understandable you have had a few beers with your friends and are all betting on whether or not it's real, but what if it wasn't and it came off revealing a bald head you putz? How do you explain that?

5. Never get ahead of yourself and ask for a kiss because you think you “deserve it.” All you deserve is a kick in the balls that your mother keeps in her purse. Don't worry; she left them to you in her will.

6. Try not to creepily linger and dance with a girl who is five inches taller than you and then proceed in begging her to come to your hotel room with big droopy eyes after last call. You deserve applause for your perseverance and confidence; however, linger means dancing behind and around someone while she's sitting or isn't moving in this case. Now you're just a creep.

7. Don't stand in front of a table of girls at a bar alone with no plan of action; their eyes are wide, rolling around the table to each friend and then back to you before taking long gulps of their drinks in hopes you will exit. To their luck, after a painstakingly awkward minute or so, you finally walk away. Were you expecting your sheer presence to land phone numbers in your hand? Don Juan De Marco is a fictional character.

8. Do not grab a girl and pull her onto a poorly lit dance floor in the corner of a basement when she says “no thanks, I don’t dance.” Dancing, in this case, means that the reggae-tone, gyrating and drunk sorority girls don't mesh well with the white girl in Keds. You'll soon see that this isn’t the Step Up love story you were hoping to brew; you should have taken no for an answer. Take that snazzy silky button down and walk away.

9. Never think it's time to make a move on a girl because she leaned back. When a girl reclines, she isn't inviting you to pounce on her. Nothing is more uncomfortable than an unexpected head coming at you with closed eyes and pursed lips; it’s like a bad 80's teen movie.

10. Last but certainly not least: never bark or howl at a girl. The only feline coming your way is an overweight cat that likes to claw. I Hope you have flea repellent.

Phantogram-- a New York based duo--just released their album Eyelid Movies in the US this month. Their psych rock, synth pop sound resembles bands like Metric and the Yeah Yeahs Yeahs...

check them out:



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Upon proof reading an essay you wrote, she corrects VE Day to V Day and says your paper on Valentine’s Day was good but didn’t understand why you kept mentioning something about the surrender of Nazi Germany.

Fondles you under the dinner table at your nephew’s fifth birthday party; it's one thing to do it inconspicuously in say...a place that doesn’t involve a ball pit and a clown, but it’s guaranteed a kid playing with Hot Wheels under the table saw it all and just told your Aunt.

Starts crying after you bring her a box of chocolates because she thinks you believe she is fat. Um, What?

When you buy yourself drinks at bars, she immediately takes them from you as her own and mentions how thoughtful you always are but wishes you would stop buying her Fat Tires and get her a lite beer.

Upon trying to check your email on her computer, you notice her homepage is a wedding planning site. You have been dating for two weeks: get your keys and take the fire escape.

After you complete a joke, she says she doesn't get it, every time.

You come home from work and all your ex-girlfriends are sitting around your kitchen table just as your current girlfriend walks out with a freshly baked pie. She just happens to "know," all of them and invited them over to, you know, catch up.

She does the head nod and gun point at you in a bar. Leave this move for the 40 something year olds hanging out at hotel bars.

Her bed is covered in stuffed animals. Nothing says romance like rolling over onto a plush cub from The Lion King that talks.

Her fake tan rubs off on all your sheets and white wall’s. What’s next? Finger nails getting stuck in your hair?

Her nickname’s in college included: beer bong girl, nasty Nancy and slot machine. That’s not exactly a girl mom wants to meet.

You find collages of Zac Effron and Taylor Lautner in her desk on accident...but not really on accident, you were snooping.

She shows up to a family beach day with nothing but bikini bottoms and pasties. For once you are grateful your grandpa is partially blind.

Actually wants you to lay your coat down between the gutter and the car door in the rain so her suede shoes don't get ruined. They deserve to be ruined if she is wearing suede in the rain, didn't she learn anything in Cosmopolitan?

At a family party, you catch her doing body shots off your brother, best friend’s and crazy Uncle Frank (no one would ever do body shots off him). She claims she is just having a good time in which all your friends nod in agreeance while undressing her with their eyes. Still want to keep her around? Careful, Christmas mean mistletoe.

She mistakenly calls you Fabio or Enrique in bed: her favorite romance novel characters. You don’t want to be compared to a half man-half horse.
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Chick flicks are like drugs: they get you on some kind of high until you realize it's over and then it's back to reality. Ah yes, many of you say they hurt so good, seemingly so, but are they good for you?

Men, don't scroll through just yet, I know many of you get caught up in some chick flicks; masculinity is not lost. I have male friends who have confessed their sins to me and not all are bad, some are made very well like Terms of Endearment--come on, it's a classic.

Eric Alt of Maxim wrote an article called "Why ‘Chick Flicks’ Hate Women" and I couldn't help but read with a raised brow while nodding my head.

One of the many points Alt makes is any problem a woman has can be fixed with a simple shopping spree and makeover a la Mean Girls, Ms. Congeniality, The Princess Diaries, etc.

"Your husband/boyfriend/stalkee is being mean? Well, it's because you haven't done your hair in forever," Alt said.

Yes, spend your week's pay on new clothes, makeup as well as a hairstyle that is too difficult to re-create on your own because appearance is the reason your guy is mean to you. If it is, well, he's just not that into you. No pun intended.

Take for instance How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Yes, it's funny at times but the title isn't How to lose a guy in 10 days, but in actuality he really falls in love with you despite your crazy antics. A man will not fall in love with you after you put your tampons in his medicine cabinet and make a baby album for your unborn children.

She's All That is kind of like arm floaties, meaning it's what my lifeguard instructors used to tell me: a false sense of security. The nerdy girl who makes herself over after seeing this will most likely spend incalculable nights recounting the times varsity jock passed her in the hall as opposed to the fairytale homecoming king and queen affair that she thought would birth. Keep the glasses and Pulp Fiction hair cut and wait about four years when you grow into yourself and are full blown babe while varsity jock is full blown gas pumper.

Legally Blonde: Chihuahua sales rose in 2001 and women were all about stealing their non compatible lovers back after he broke up with them. Not only is this movie the worst 90 minutes of pink I have ever encountered, it pangs me thinking how many girls actually cried like that in public after they were dumped in the Olive Garden.

Now for the slow transition into the really serious stuff like The Notebook. Yes, this is a good movie in theory; however, some women will now only settle for a guy who will hang from ferris wheels, lay in streets while watching the lights change and row her into swan filled lakes. Yeah, I'd pay a pretty dollar to meet a real life Noah, except I know my reality and the closest thing to a swan filled lake is the murky man made fishing hole down the street.

Then there were two: Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. Sigh. You’ve Got Mail has the best intentions and I do have a soft spot for it. Unfortunately, chat room love is nonexistent unless you're paying for it and it rhymes with me-jarmony (which I don't support at this age). This movie didn’t make it okay to stop going out into the world by resorting to online romance. You aren't going to meet some guy who just happens to be the heir of a billionaire as well as the possible start up of something huge like Pinkberry. That guy is on Millionaire Matchmaker.

The list could keep going but I’ll stop with He's Just Not That Into You. Ginnifer Goodwin’s character is the girl every guy hates: the one who thinks you're in love with her if you lend her your pen and sit’s by the phone waiting in vain for him to call, yet she still gets the man. So while some women were taking copious notes, I wanted to vomit on my television. Since when do men fall for head cases like that?

These films are to be taken lightly and are in no way a self help guide book to life. Read the rest of Alt’s article at Maxim.com for a laugh.
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Photo by Rodney S.

Wears a white cashmere scarf to a bar full of twenty-something’s (don’t know what I’m talking about? Click this) Your Amelia Earhart meets Lenny Kravitz attire has got to go and so do you.

Has been slowly inching towards you and your friends for 20 minutes and upon finally hitting the finish line, he says he's waiting for his friends. Cut to an hour later of conversation about his grandparent’s farm in Kentucky, a loss of your buzz and the warding off of any potential good looking men, his friends never showed. Don't linger in bars alone and don't use this line. He's probably on Megan’s Law.

His hobbies include: "Well, I like to make techno music on my keyboard?" Sure, that's funny but if that’s all his resume contains, get the check.

Watched Joysey Shore and adopted the LGT routine (If you don't know what that is, no you haven't been living under a rock, you still have an IQ). The white guy you used to know is now looking very Wayne Newton in a very crisp white tank top. Don't forget the Claire’s Accessories earrings he thinks are cool.

Thinks it's funny to let the door slam in your face as a joke. Then kills over laughing as you treat a bloody nose. File a complaint.

Has named each one of his abs; pointing to each muscle, he corrects you by saying: This one is Ripped, Awesome, Sex machine, lady killer, etc.

Has Taylor Swift on his iTunes and blames his sister: liar. He totally listens to that when no one is around. At least own it.

He starts talking like his favorite Star Wars character in bed. No, not Han Solo: Chubaca. Get your clothes and get the hell out of there.

Every single picture on his Facebook profile is him with a girl and a different girl in each shot mind you. If I wanted to look at your dating chronicles, I'd ask, or at least snoop around on the Internet. If you want girls thinking you have no friends or that you’re gay, fine, otherwise put up a picture with your dog or hell, your Snoopy you say you don't sleep with anymore.

When you finally meet his friends and family, they have no clue who you are. When I say finally, that’s also a red flag.

Wears shirts that say: I kill bitches, Sex Machine, hold on to your girlfriends, David is here (yes he got his name screen printed on his shirt), and who needs college when you have mommy and daddy?

Smokes a whole pack of cigarettes on a three hour date; no wonder he planned a perfectly romantic rooftop-dinner-date with a view of the city; how thoughtful, not. If you're going to smoke, smoke accordingly to non smokers and smokers.

He only orders a side salad at dinner...with dressing on the side. Sorry, I didn't realize I was dating a contestant for America's Next Top Man Baby. I don’t care if your jeans are too tight, at least order a piece of meat or some bread.

Is a complete stranger and Wants to discuss religion in a bar before casually throwing in that he’s not too far from becoming an ordained priest. What are you doing with that holy Heineken water then?

Wears his almost too skinny jeans rolled up making a capri pant. Yeah, it may be hipster, but he is most likely gay sweetheart. Unless you just hopped off your bike or took a skip in the sea, don't trust those bare ankles.

Orders drinks all night with names like: Blow Job, Screamin O and… you get the picture. I don't even order Sex on the Beaches’, neither should any man of mine.
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I love meeting people and hearing their stories, which is why I love Journalism because I get to interview people.

Everyone has a story; it takes time to be written, but when it's written, it's beautiful.

Regardless of heartache, triumph, angst or just pure joy a person can have built into their personality through life experience, a life story can be told in such a raw way, which is exactly what Interview Project does.

Interview Project is an endearing journey put together by David Lynch, founder of the David Lynch Foundation for Consciousness-Based Education and World Peace, as well as others who have traveled 20,000 miles during a 70 day period across the United States.

Lynch, who narrates the beginning of each video, says the project was done so people--you and I--can meet people.

"It's something that's human and you can't stay away from it," said Lynch.

The subjects of each video were found while the team was driving along roads, going into bars as well as other locations; some were just on their front lawn.

There are tons of stories to be heard and quite frankly, I have read a lot of blogs that are similar in premise; however, this is the best.

Check out some of the videos because I can't stress enough how tragically wonderful yet inspirational people can be in their own words.



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258. by Sabino on Flickr

Many moments in life often make me yell, "why god, why?" Only before realizing that I am not the only person in which heinous things happen to her. I now know the gods aren’t out to get just me. I guess if my only job was to do good for others, I too would occasionally want to see someone trip and fall in the crosswalk of Sunset and Vein in Hollywood. Yeah, didn’t hurt at all.

It’s the little things in life like sending a text message to the wrong person that can turn a normal relationship into a slightly awkward one next time you see them. Go ahead and press cancel so hard your thumb is bleeding. Unfortunately, it was sent and now someone else knows you think you might be pregnant or you think so and so is a bitch. Heaven forbid that text went to the so-called bitch.

While a family member is in the room, you accidentally click on a channel containing salacious low budget porn because you thought the guide said Dawson's Creek, not Dawson's Crack. You try and change the channel so fast but due to high stress, you keep clicking volume instead of channel.

Being in a room with a fighting couple and it’s just the three of you. Do you leave? Do you stay and watch? Do you turn around and face the wall?

Letting someone use your computer before remembering you left a web page up on getting rid of rashes or a chat room for closet Hannah Montanna fans over 25. How do you explain that?

You ask how someone is doing and they start telling you about their horrible break up or some weird skin removal they recently had. Do you nod and agree that you know exactly what they are going through?

Being the only person in a bathroom that smells worse than a cow pasture when someone walks in giving you a filthy look like you should be ashamed.

Upon falling asleep, doodling morbid pictures or texting a friend, your teacher calls on you in a classroom of say, 150 or more, and asks you a question. If you had been paying attention, you may know the answer, but instead you blurt out Crimean War when the question was about the state senate.

When someone tells you he or she is into you when the feeling isn’t exactly mutual. Yes, you may have known; however, you waited too long to abort. Everyone likes a thrill right? Your deer in the headlight face says it all as the random person beside you is eavesdropping without a care in the world all in vain to see how you will handle this doozey.

Not knowing your math tables resulting in the use of your fingers, sugar packets and straws in the name of subtraction. Unfortunately, you still got the wrong total and shout out a guess that is so wrong you may as well have not even showed up to second grade.

That awkward silence a conversation can get to with a stranger or acquaintance and you can’t think of anything else to say, literally. Standing there waiting for someone to save you, you can now hear your heart beat and the bat of your lashes feels like a seismic shock until the person finally says they have to get going. Don’t forget the awkward hand shake, high five, not know what to do with yourself goodbye.

You and your friends are Googling your names for fun and somehow you come across a dating profile you made for yourself a while back but forgot about.

Hugging an awkward hugger: You, the totally huggable person have hugged everyone in the room upon departure except the one person putting himself noticeably at the end of the line (his problem is noticeable to everyone by the way; they too want to see how you handle this). So you lean in for it as everyone else watches and your heads smack, resulting in an awkward hug-pat on the back along with a gang like fist bump that is too unfitting for two white guys.

Doing the slip trip; you’re walking along a busy street, listening to your iPod while everyone is enjoying their lunch break outside in the brisk winter air as you slip on a patch of slick pavement. Of course, you immediately catch yourself by doing the slip trip. It’s sort of a slide-hop-skip that people think looks cool, but it doesn’t. Everyone saw you almost fall.

Having your lunch on your face all day; not only is it rude to not tell someone they have something disgusting on their face like Alfredo sauce or worse, a bodily function, but it’s embarrassing when all day you thought you never looked better until looking in the mirror to utter horror. Rude.


It happens…

Photo by: Jerry Matchett on Photo.net



Do you sit with someone you deeply care about or hope becomes your soul mate while sipping red alcoholic beverages and nibbling on chocolaty desserts as a violinist strums romantic melodies from the back of a low lit cafe?

Or, are you at home watching a Mad Men marathon while sort of doing homework and probably eating a box of heart shaped candy your mom gave you out of pity?

If you are anything like the rest of society who watched their friends receive heart shaped doilies in their lockers and teddy bears with necklaces around their necks, you probably detest Valentine's Day (not using personal experience at all...cough cough); however, this commercial holiday you loathe should be praised you single lady you, because it's your night off.

February 14 is your one night off--if you chose to relax--because for 364 days a year, you partake in being careless, frivolous and possibly promiscuous (just wear protection). You also have a much better chance of receiving random acts of love as opposed to hoping it happens on one measly day.

Being single is fun unless you're that guy from 500 Days of Summer who can't start life until he finds the one. Talk to me about 22 years of summer then, or something like it.

Every day is an adventure when you're single. It's fun because you never know who you will meet, who you'll dance with, who will tell you great stories and who might change your life.

So celebrate this night. Consider it a paid holiday where you can eat that heart shaped candy which coincidentally makes your ass bigger (clearly, men didn’t make this holiday), watching TV, drinking alone or with friends, going to bed early, tapping into that guilty pleasure you call Jersey Shore, whatever.

Also revel in the knowledge that you're saving money while everyone else is crying about buying gifts for their significant others and having to think of creative ways to woo someone.

Be young and stop caring if there is a red balloon tied to your car antenna with an innocuous note someone wrote and stuck to it with gum. Guaranteed it's not from the person you want it to be from; it's probably from the guy you work with who could be your dad and looks too much like Billy Ray Cyrus.

Remember, you have the rest of your life to have a Valentine, which is a very long time.

If you’re still distraught over this, get mad at some lady named Esther Howland. She's the classy broad who began the Valentine card industry.

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