Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Toasting to the 2000's
Too many things are wrong with the last ten years that in unison, society can agree it was a downward spiral of dumb-ing down, as I “air quote,” in theory.
With so many reality shows, technological advances and ridiculous voyeurism taking over our televisions, newspapers—what’s left of them-- and computer screens, it seems strange that anyone came out with a college degree.
Can we wave goodbye to discussing celebrity train wrecks like Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Amy Winehouse? These shouldn't be household names. It's safe to say, they are and forever will be messes. There is no miracle story behind the runny eye liner, bald head and yellow teeth. Didn't America learn with Courtney Love?
Along with those fine ladies, average joe's being made famous by acting like fools like Jon and Kate Gosselin, octo-mom as well as balloon boy and family have raised tax dollars by being idiot's on prime time networking. Let's put a stop to this.
MySpace: unless your band is on there, it's only for middle aged male perverts now; MySpace is the new Megan's Law.
Bad weight loss programs like Trim Spa: it doesn't work. Weight Loss will occur with proper diet and exercise that is attainable. Not a pill infused with caffeine making a person drop five pounds until they eat normal food again. Anna Nicole didn't make it on that pill, neither will you. Leave it in 2004.
Bad products like Bumpit's, George Foreman grill's (that keep coming out every year new and improved) and every celebrity perfume you can imagine.
Extremely bad reality television can stay in the 2000's. Shows like The Simple Life, American Idol and The Bachelor are procreating like rabbits. Isn't there some form of planned reality-hood for shows like these? There hasn't really been an American Idol since Kelly Clarkson anyway (she was the first winner right?). If Paula Abdul left, so can the greater public.
Being very supportive to causes that people know nothing about like: Greenpeace, Omnipeace, ONE, Al Gore (yes, he can be a cause), or Invisible Children. Congratulations to those who actually take part in supporting and working for them; however, no pat on the back for those who just become fans on Facebook.
Energy drinks. If only people knew how much sugar was harvested in these. Cans like Rockstar and Monster are also a portal to looking like river trash. Redbull should only be drunk with three ounces of vodka after dark.
Scary Movie, Date Movie, whatever. Yes, everyone got the point with Scary Movie 1-4, but 5-12 is just too much (see: How many Saw films does it take to get a point across).
Spending money on ridiculous things like $4 lattes, overpriced purses and jeans that cost more than car insurance; learning the value of a dollar is much easier after your parents throw you on the curb at the rightful age of 27. Your jeans will be happy to be sold on eBay for half price when you need to pay rent.
Really, really bad trends like Von Dutch, Ed Hardy tee shirts, bedazzled jeans, as well as shiny and furry-hooded-puffy jackets (unless you're Diddy). Have respect for others as well as yourself. No one wants to be caught at a movie with that chick that looks like a cast member of the Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Being addicted to the newest technological advances and social networking sites like blackberries, iPhones and Twitter. While they are fun, these innovative designs are inhibiting you from having friends that aren't avatars on Google. Let 2010 be a year you see the outdoors sans palm pilot.