Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Peet peeve meet anger managment


red portrait
Originally uploaded by yosigo!!!



Ever find yourself sitting in a library, quietly studying for a crucial exam when suddenly a jack hammer goes off? The sound only lasts a millisecond but is so loud, it scares you to the point where you become rampantly pissed off?


"It's the sound that makes me punch infants;" A line made infamous by Dane Cook. A line that I--a law abiding, non child abusing citizen--often want to act out due to un-asked for stress elevations. These are not so much pet peeves as they are anger management issues, but deep down we all know we have them. I'm no less crazy than you are.


This passionate angst can be triggered from several things like teachers; teachers are the worst. Some have a habit of passing out tests then continuing to speak for the next six minutes.

I'm the kind of test taker who takes it so seriously, I can hear other people’s pencils bubbling in answer's on their Scantron. Normal folk call this high stress followed with Schizophrenia. I call it overly stimulated and well prepared.

When the test is out, I expect a quiet environment. Not a "little side-note," followed with 12 questions as well as a re-institution of stress due to her notification of a a few trick questions.

Other moments might include the cougher. Not the cougher that actually has Tuberculosis, the cougher that just has a tickle (I question whether it's all in their head) and has to cough one cough as loud as he can repeatedly in a waiting room or on an airplane. It’s as loud as a wood block being punched in half by Jackie Chan.

If it isn't a person pissing you off, it's probably things around the house. Things like your computer deciding to shut off mid nine page paper. You stand and scream about its worthlessness as well as how much you loath the object by parading around the room with a fist in the air.

After storming out of the room and returning to restart it, you find it shutting off again 10 seconds later. The next person who comes into the room is doomed as you tell him you hate the way he dresses and how he writes his J's. See? Certain things make a person mad and erratic.

The Blender: Your story about how you saved a baby from a fire means nothing to Nancy who just got a new food processor off the Home Shopping Network. What’s worse is every time you think she's done, she puts another carrot inside it. You're playing "how much louder can you go?" with an inanimate object and you're losing. You lost to a food processor. You are pissed and you lost to a food processor. Your guest is now leaving. You think of ways to fit Nancy inside her new food processor but decide you'd rather not change your home address to the state prison's.

Other inanimate objects you may chose to despise might include alarms. No: People who don't wake from alarms but wake you instead. I often ask myself why I can hear the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing and my roommate can’t.

Did she take too many Ambien’s last night? Does she have a pulse? Nothing makes me more upset in the morning than having to clap, snap, shout, and throw objects at a person to wake them from their beauty sleep.

Maybe your "thing" isn't on this list and you think I am indubitably crazy, but guaranteed you will get get cut off by someone on your way to work tomorrow. You will then choose to speed up, ride their tail, flip them off, stare them down, and maybe picture running them off the road until you feel better.

2 comments :

  1. definitely have this exact same pet peeve.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey...you might be a little crazy but you are true and it's funny!

    ReplyDelete

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