Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Never trust a guy who...

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This list has been building in my head. Daily, I have opportune moments with other people who feed idiosyncrasies that I love to hate.

Never trust a guy who:

Has a last name as a first name or a first name as a last name. Odds are, he dubbed himself this name. Mark John just likes the sound of himself.

Wears white sunglasses. It's not 1998 anymore, bleached tips and flame adorned dress shirts are out, as are white framed Oakley's. Get with it.

Has better tweezed--waxed--eyebrows than you. Someone enjoys themselves a little too much, therefore will never love you as much as he love's himself...and his tweezers.

Wears jeans and a belt to the gym. He clearly isn't there to work out. He's there to lurk.

Can recite lines to the movie 27 Dresses.

Takes pictures of themselves in their bathroom mirror and then has the audacity to post them to a public forum. Come on now, leave that for the tween community in Junior High.

Calls his parents by their first names and he's neither a step child or adopted. I do it to get on my Mom's nerves when she is prodding; however, I do not do it when I want her to pass the butter.

Brings you back to his place and immediately puts on a smoking jacket and suede slippers while proceeding to ask if you would like to shag now or later?

Asks his guy friend if it's okay if he hangs out with you, every time you ask. You might want to rethink your friendship.

Spells you're and your the same: no matter what context.

Is relying on his band to make it big. He is 26, musically inept and his band plays free shows at Keno's. Unless they have a fan base and a keyboardist to do most of the sounds, as well as relay a lead singer, the biggest thing happening is the breakfast served past 11 a.m. on Friday's.

Cooks you dinner but only has chopsticks and red cups to serve it with.

Has a bikini top tan line.

Has Playboy centerfold wallpaper in his room and or house. We all know you look at that, but we don't need to know how often or in what chair, sofa, bed, rug, room, closet, drawer, etc.



12 comments :

  1. hahaha. so true. just to add: Whose mom still makes his bed everyday and presses all of his clothes, t-shirts included.

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  2. this is great! I have a long list of things we could add to it, perhaps while im home over a glass (or bottle) of Chuck

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  3. I officially have a gigantic blog crush on you.

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  4. hahaha, oh man. this list is clever.

    i dated a guy with the oakley sunglasses. he never actually wore them while dating me but just a few months before there were photos of him with those ugly stupid frames all over his myspace. horrid. he turned out to be an asshole too. only interested in the outside.

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  5. Wholeheartedly agree with Jenn & Lynae. Great post! Happy weekend. xo.

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  6. HAHAHA!
    I guess we share something in common; our hard hitting opinions towards the opposite sex!

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  7. this list is hilarious! I love it!

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  8. And as I was coming back from lunch, I saw a guy wearing white sunglasses...seriously.

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  9. Takes pictures of themselves in their bathroom mirror and then has the audacity to post them to a public forum. Come on now, leave that for the tween community in Junior High.

    hahaha i love this blog

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  10. all of those things are true!!!
    i once had a friend who was always posing to the bathroom mirrors, taking pictures of himself (of course without a t-shirt on) posting the to his facebook profile. at first I was making fun of him, after a while he stopped being a friend of mine...

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