Thursday, December 17, 2009

Never trust a girl who...

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How many times have you heard a guy say his ex-girlfriend is crazy, an airhead or psycho?

Maybe if you men took note of certain indicators pointing to crazy, airhead or psycho, you wouldn't end up in a blunder of bad relationships making you quiver just thinking about them.


Never trust a girl who:

Has children who call you Daddy upon the first meeting. Clearly she told them you're the new father. Prepare for a phone call from Maury producers if you keep it past date three and then try to break it off.

Says she's over her ex-boyfriend...of last month. No way. They dated for how long she said? Two years? You're definitely the rebound. She's trying to get over him and make him jealous by posting status updates all over her Facebook about you, followed with a thousand hearts.

You mention that you don't want a commitment right now, but want to keep that "special something" you two share...in which she sheepishly agrees. Right.

She scares all the children at one of your family gatherings with an unasked for re-enactment of the monkeys in The Wizard of Oz. As they run, so should you. That's not normal.

She knows everything about you before you told her. Thank Facebook. She should be as surprised as Macaulay culkin when he's left home alone as you tell her you're a Texan native fresh out of the Peace Corpes.

Laughs at everything you say because she has a "morbid" sense of humor. Sure, knock knock jokes are funny but not your missing dog. No one is that soul-less.

Her entire TiVo history is nothing but The Hills and The City. Ask her who our vice president is.

The last book she read was Cosmopolitan.

She checks herself out in toasters, knives, black computer screens and the back of your iPod. The nerve. She cares more about herself than your existence as she throws her coat on you before dinner mistaking you for a doorman.

She thinks your paycheck is her new Coach purse. Life is not a Coach purse honey; get a job and stop being so tasteless.

You've never seen her eat. Everyone eats. Don't fall for the "but I have a weird condition, I don't eat food, I just drink water." She is a liar. Invite her on a camping trip and see how long she goes before passing out.

Whatever reason you keep crazy pants around--maybe she's good in bed or she's pretty to look at--it's not worth having to change your phone number and join the witness protection program when things go awry. Trust me.

13 comments :

  1. yes, many women behave like total bimbos. and the bad thing is that men are late to understand that!

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  2. also add to that list:

    girls who like to casual remarks about 'looking like a married couple' whilst looking for stuff from a hardware store. it's NOT a casual remark. it's what she's thinking about.

    ilikethisblogalreaddy!

    http://videoismyradiostar.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh and I thought this would never come!
    Spot on Jess.
    Hmmm...I'm starting to wonder, are you a man trapped in a woman's body?

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  4. I don't understand why they always need a 'rebound guy' to make their ex-boyfriends jealous by posting status updates on Facebook. You don't literally need a rebound guy to post such status updates. Leave the poor rebound guy alone. Just post the damn status updates! It would be better if they prefered to use 'pink lies' instead of rebound guys'. I m tired of being the rebound guy. Rebound guy is bad.

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  5. Dead on, as always. Especially the Facebook part. Oh. Good. Lord.

    xo.

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  6. added this list to my blog. all my friends need to know about this.
    i love your blog :D

    thanks!

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  7. no i don't go to sfsu i'm actually in community college. do you?

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  8. fantastic list! you would think that this is common sense but sadly, it isn't! sometimes some guys need a little help:)

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  9. Definitely some good pointers. Tasteful post!

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