Sunday, December 27, 2009

Everything happens for a reason...right?

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Things like death, car accidents and bad break-ups or divorce cause us-- a spiritually "enhanced" society-- to go from confused to Confucius.

We enter a Zen state of mind while questioning many occult meanings of our daily lives that get set off key by inopportune occurrences.

Everything happens for a reason then, right?

I see your divorce and I raise you a case of herpes. How reasonable is that? It’s hard to find the Zen in a sexually transmitted disease, but trust me, it’s there.

Getting too drunk at your cousins wedding and mentioning how he slept with one of the bridesmaid's -last week (opps) –definitely happens for a reason. You now know the value of a dollar as the groom leaves you the dinner bill and signs you up for Alcoholics Anonymous. Fun.

Things like burning your mouth on hot coffee happens for a reason. It happens because patience is a virtue in such an instant gratification society. Now that your taste buds are singed, you can’t even enjoy Christmas dinner; hence your new instant diet. You always said you wanted to drop five pounds. Call it a blessing in disguise.

Your boyfriend dumped you: everything happens for a reason wise one. It happened because you need to learn about yourself as well as what you want in life. You got that “no good, lying, cheating idiot,” out of your life and you’re a new woman now (women need to find reason for everything: down to a dripping faucet). This definitely didn't happen because you need to learn how to spot a red flag when one is present; even if your friends were waving it. Not at all.

You got a speeding ticket. Ah, the Zen of it. Here’s the bad news about this one: there is no real Zen to a deficit in your bank account. There is no Zen in being shut down by a police officer after you try to womanize your way out of it. All you got out of this experience is loss of money and ego. You "don't still got it."

Did a raging case of Herpes turn you devout to a religion? Personally, it would turn me to death row as the “gift-giver,” would be beheaded.

A root canal is about as spiritual as it can get. Look into the light as you lay back in that chair. You just learned you need to take better care of your teeth as well as pay more attention to the six month check up post cards you receive in the mail.

A bad hair cut has Confucius written all over it. This teaches you material things are obsolete. Sure, you may look like George Michael in the back and Regis Philbin in the front, but you will learn from this. You're learning it's not about hair or appearance. It's about life, love and birds and birds and what not.

Never finding love; this is a question many magic 8 balls are sick of hearing. Love won’t appear on the screen of your eight ball so get out of the house. Nothing says Confucius like your grandma asking whether or not you're gay because you’re 27 and have yet to bring a man home.

Find solace in everything and learn from it, there is no time like the present.

6 comments :

  1. you. are. amazing.

    hope your Holidays were lovely! xo.

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  2. Fantastic blog babe! Great reads :) xox

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  3. i love your style of writing. so witty and wonderful. i will definitely be reading some more! and thanks for commenting! x

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  4. I appreciate your blogs~ Thank you for the kind giving of blogging what's in your heart and sharing your wisdom for others. Namaste~

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