Sunday, November 22, 2009

When unfriending is more than okay


It takes a strong person to retire bad habits like typing LiKe ThIs. It also takes a strong person to decide when your friends--adult friends--have not equally performed the same tasks and should be unfriended.

The word unfriend was chosen by The New Oxford American Dictionary as the word of the year for 2009. America, go figure; never a profound word.

To delete a friend via social networking is the literal meaning. No longer are you just screening phone calls and writing hate songs about people you detest, you're digitally cutting them out of your life. Ouch.

Too often do I sign onto Facebook and am subjected to heinous news feeds filled with status updates in all capital letters. I used to give people the benefit of the doubt thinking their Caps Lock key was stuck due to an unfortunate accident (maybe mittens, their dubious cat, was screwing around on the laptop).

I already get yelled at at work, by my parents and weirdos on the street; the last thing I need is to be yelled at on Facebook. Yes, Caps Lock means your yelling; if you're religiously using it, you should know this.

Besides dealing with verbal abuse, my IQ is continually dropping as uneducated friends (see, "how to lose friends by writing about them on blogs") feel the need to completely sabotage words: ie: like to lyke and something to sommin.

If you're scratching your head because you thought those were defined words, you have been smoking too much pot and watching Blues Clues. If you want to sound like a reputable human being at some point in your adult life, spell words with their birthed spelling or go join a prepubescent chat room on AOL about Taylor Lautner.

Not only is my IQ at stake but I am being exposed to filthy and tasteless pictures. I don't want to see pictures of you in lingerie nor do I need to see pictures of you peeing on the curb after six keg stands. I get it, you think you are hot and want the world to see you; however, sometimes more should be left to the imagination on account of the freshman 30 (we all really know the freshman 15 is: 15 plus 15 more).

Seeing you at your ultimate low--which to you, is the ultimate high-- is hysterical for some but is also scary. They say the biggest threats to society give us warning signs. Your verbalization on Twitter of how much you miss your boyfriend every time he's at work or school can be decoded as cries for help. Don't be a statistic.

Regardless of data, getting too political, lurking, stalking, having spastic reactions to Grey's Anatomy every week as well as claiming yourself the biggest Lakers fan in the world will get you unfriended. Besides, last time I checked, the biggest Lakers fan was over 6'8 and weighed 320 pounds, fat chance.

If your only scare of deleting these status update, profile editing, Farmville playing fanatics is because you may see them at Target one day, then you're just as guilty. You're just as guilty as following every Miley Cyrus fake Twitter account in hopes that one of them is really her.


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